Letters to the Editor SpecGram Vol CLXXXIII, No 4 Contents Linguimericks—Book ५९

University News

Dothraki Most Likely Language for Alien Contact

by Ruthlessly Roving Reporter Miss Deakina Andrea Kirkhamia

Scientists at the Knaresborough International Alien Observatory have published a shocking report that suggests that any future encounter with extraterrestrial life is likely to be mediated not by sign or gesture or via some mathematically-derived communication system but instead by Dothraki, the constructed language of the hit HBO series Game of Thrones (GoT).

Professor Ogram O. G. O’Grady told us that the effects of beaming what he termed “a fat, hairy metric tonne” of GoT around the earth for the past few years had led to a rarely noted phenomenon of several megabytes of the digital data of the hit series splitting from the overall mass as it ricochets between geostationary satellites, entering into a geocentric orbit for several months and, then, as a result of the pure entertainment dynamite which constitutes the sprawling narrative of the ongoing battle for supremacy in George R. R. Martin’s fictional GoT-overse, detaching itself from that orbit and whizzing out toward interstellar space.

O’Grady continued between bouts of racking coughs, “Hey man, you’ve seen that movie with the aliens coming down in tubes and talking through the glass with their spindly sucker things. It ain’t gonna be nothing like that. Instead, expect Dothraki, man. Yeah, expect it.” As we left, we bumped into Daenerys Targaryen, tethering one of her dragons in the parking lot; she was swift to confirm the veracity of O’Grady’s narrative.

Despite growing consensus in the academic community that Dothraki is likely to be the medium for any future human-alien communication, there are dissenters. Up the road at Starbeck University, we spoke to Dr Callumina McCallum who was quick to rubbish the claims of Dothraki’s putative role in interplanetary communication. “Look,” she muttered, gesticulating wildly while rocking slowly backwards and forwards in her large office chair, apparently constructed of a set of interconnected swords, “there’s absolutely no basis in fact for these dangerous Dothrakist conclusions. I conducted extensive one-on-one interviews with Neptunians and Alpha Centaurians over the past two years, coded the transcripts and performed multiple regression analyses. Every indication is that High Valyrian will be the initial medium of contact when the aliens finally arrive and take me home.”

Letters to the Editor
LinguimericksBook ५९
SpecGram Vol CLXXXIII, No 4 Contents