Despite official denials by Athletic Director Warde Manuel, the internet is buzzing with speculation as to when perennially unsuccessful University of Michigan football coach Jim Harbaugh will get the boot. Speculative Grammarian has learned that linguist Sarah Grey (“Sally”) Thomason has not denied that she is interested in the position.
Known for her tough “contact” approach to her field, Thomason has been coaching student athletes in linguistics at Michigan since 1999. She appears to be a strong candidate to replace Harbaugh and return the Maize and Blue to gridiron glory.
After completing her academic coaching degree at Yale, Thomason took up a coaching position at the same Ivy League institution. Thereafter, she moved to the University of Pittsburgh, where blue-
Thomas moved to Michigan in 1999, arriving in time to overlap with the last good years under Lloyd Carr, and to witness firsthand the beginnings of the current era of futility vs. Appalachian, Ohio, and Michigan States.
Though she never worked under Bo Shembechler, Thomason fits the classic mold of the “Michigan Man”
Fans may expect to see an offense crafted around typological universals of football plays, with a healthy focus on contact. She is expected to rely heavily on her recruiting contacts in the Native American community, and to avoid anything that leads to player endangerment.