Parade of the Alphabets—Trey Jones SpecGram Vol CLXXXII, No 3 Contents The Dictionary of What Things Should Mean—According to Non-Linguists—P. Ublekkoppen Ñon & Suṛɨ Vē

Book ५४

An analysis tedious of ‘wondrous’
On why that word can not rhyme with ‘thunderous’
Enculed petty mouches
And ended by smoosh-
ing a cockroach by firing a blunderbuss.
—Pumptilian Perniquity

There once was a phonemic contrast
Whose time had just almost passed
But for one environment
Wherein that the tone was higher meant
It had outlasted sound change’s grasp.
—Mannfrum van Tuckett

The task of emplacing an *
Is a fool’s game in syntax, a basilisk
Seductive and subtle
That puts in a muddle
So many so willing their *.
—Hester Fester-Münsterfenster

It’s true that in ev’ry society
The language is marked by variety:
For some coke makes you dizzy
While for others it’s fizzy,
Though both can threaten sobriety.
—H. Stephen Straight

When quality data is lacking
And all your pet theories are cracking
Just rely on “big data”
And a few minutes later
You’ll be done (with a little p-hacking).
—Col. O. Nihilist

There was once an old Phonetician
Who read his students a petition:
“Lower your velum like so,
Sound out double-dot-wide-o.”
He’d’ve made a fine politician.
—Phrançoise Phonétique

Parade of the AlphabetsTrey Jones
The Dictionary of What Things Should MeanAccording to Non-LinguistsP. Ublekkoppen Ñon & Suṛɨ Vē
SpecGram Vol CLXXXII, No 3 Contents