/nuz baɪts/

Not a wire news service but still more reliable than most newspapers.

Mass Comparison Linguists Announce That All Languages Are Dialects of Pirahã

As a prelude to their upcoming presentation at LSA 2018, mass comparison linguists from the University of Khoesan have announced that their latest computational analysis shows that all languages are actually descended from Pirahã. Their evidence mostly takes the form of constructed *proto-paleo-proto-forms on the basis of Historical Philology carried out by Jen E. Ralise (1966) and May & Kit Uhp (1973). They expect their findings to be treated with exactly the same seriousness and respect as all other mass comparison work.

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