Linguimericks—Book २७ SpecGram Vol CLXXV, No 2 Contents A Sample of Self-Definers—Semantics & Pragmatics—The SpecGram Book Elves™

Nunavut Bans Twitter

SpecGram Wire Services

In a move that has shocked the world, the Canadian territory of Nunavut has banned the social network Twitter. A spokesperson for the Nunavut government, explaining the ban, said, “Look, we’re all in favour of free speech, but face facts. Twitter simply isn’t compatible with Inuit culture. How are we supposed to say Tai­mai­lauq­si­ma­ju­tu­qa­luu­lauq­si­ma­ju­tut­qa­lu­juu­in­i­u­li­q&ua­i­aas­it,1 or Aan­ga­jaar­naq­tu­li­uq­tu­qa­qat­ta­li­lauq­si­mann­git­ti­am­ma­ri­ru­lung­niq­pal­lii­la­in­nau­ja­qa­tau­na­su­&&­an­naaq­tum­ma­ri­a­luu­va­li­lauq­si­ma­&&a­pik­ka­lu­ar­mi­jun­ga­lit­tau­ruuq2 or even Nu­na­lir­ju­ar­aa­luu­vig­ju­ar­aa­lung­min­nga­ar­mi­unn­gu­qa­ti­gi­ing­ning­nik­kuu­vi­ni­tu­qau­jaa­vig­ju­ar­aal­lang­mi­ut­in­ni­ru­tap­sa­aq­qaa­qa­su­a­qa­tau­qat­ta­gu­ma­la­uq­si­ma­tit­si­ni­jinng­uq­ti­ta­un­ni­aq­tu­gi­va­la­uq­si­maj­jann­gik­ka­lu­ar­mi­jun­ga­lit­ta­un­gu­ga­lu­aq­paa­ru­uq­su­li?3 I mean, we’ve tried using Canadian Syllabics, but does anybody support them? All we get is ☐☐­☐☐­☐☐­☐☐­☐☐­☐☐­☐☐­☐☐­☐☐­☐☐­☐☐­☐☐­☐☐­☐☐­☐☐­☐☐­☐☐­☐☐!”

Twitter were unconcerned by the announcement. While they did not make an official response, a source inside the company said, “Look, as long as the stock price is good, who cares if a bunch of Eskimos complain about the 140 character limit? They’ll be wanting meaningful conversations next!”

The news has sent ripples around the world. The Turkish Prime Minister, who last year announced a similar ban, said, “Şehir­lileştire­medikler­imizden­siniz.”4 And the Chinese Information Ministry issued the following statement:

你們歪果仁真 莫名其妙!如果你們肯學用漢字,放棄蠻荒字母,就能140字以內暢所欲言。5

1 “It is like that, and it has been like that for a long time, not knowing that it was happening all along, again.”

2 “At a younger age it is said that I had also been saying that I wished drugs were never made!”

3 M.A.Y.N.A.R.D. refused to translate this one. It’s the first time we’ve seen a computer blush.

4 “You are one of those people who we cannot turn into a city-dweller.”4a

4a No, we have no idea why he said it either.

5 “You ridiculous foreigners! If you would only learn to use hanzi instead of your silly barbarian alphabets, you would be able to write whatever you liked in 140 characters.”

LinguimericksBook २७
A Sample of Self-DefinersSemantics & PragmaticsThe SpecGram Book Elves™
SpecGram Vol CLXXV, No 2 Contents