It’s an age-
Archiphonemicist: I speak |language|
Chomskyan: Universal Grammar shows that all languages are equivalent.
Conlanger: Well, I’m not really fluent in any of my languages...
Freelance interpreter: I have two A languages; at least, that’s what I tell my clients.
Historical comparativist: Can I count Romance and Germanic separately?
Historical linguist: I don’t actually speak any, but I have dictionaries and chrestomathies for dozens.
Interpreting Researcher: I have RAs for that.
Morphologist: I’m fluent in prefixes, suffixes, circumfixes, and in-frikkin’-
Phonetician: I don’t speak many, but I can make all their sounds!
Phonologist: Underlyingly, all languages sound the same to me.
Pragmaticist: I can usually infer the true purpose of any utterance, whether I speak the language or not.
Satirical Linguist: I can order a beer in about twenty.
Semanticist: I’m fluent in the logical representation of the propositional content of all languages.
Sign linguist: I am fluent in ASL, Auslan, BSL, DGS, LSF, YS, and РЖЯ. I can converse in DTS, TİD, and ΕΝΓ, and I have lesser degrees of skill in BIM, BISINDO, FSL, LSC, SVK, TSL, МДХ, and ქჟე.
Sociolinguist: Just one, but I’m familiar with 74 dialects, 128 sub-
Staff interpreter: I have six C languages, two Bs and one A. I am hoping to add Amharic as a C and get my German to B next year.
Syntactician: I can properly apply asterisks
Translation Researcher: I am totally still a practicing translator, really. Just wait until this meeting is done, and this conference and...
Translator: You can speak languages? I mean, I can write five but don’t ask me to hold a conversation in them.
Typologist: I speak one OV language and one VO language, so that pretty much represents them all.