OOne can only hope, Dear Reader, that you have taken it upon yourself to investigate the boringly-titled articles presented in the preceding duplicitous table of contents out of a sense of duty, allegiance, and loyalty to Speculative Grammarian—or perhaps you have done so in an effort to fend off a particularly nasty and tenacious strain of insomnia.

Your staunch steadfastness is to be rewarded! Satirical articles of genuine interest are provided in the pages that follow, and you may find a more reliable listing of them in the much more lively, genuine table of contents, to which you should proceed post-haste!

—The SpecGram April 1^st Anti-Pranksters Committee