The Nasal Tone: An Honest Tale—Barb Tyd-Laika and Tessie Chopp Durnford SpecGram Vol CLXVI, No 2 Contents The “Panama Guzzler” Anagram Puzzle—Trey Jones


Davie Dunnit’s Disparaging Dictionary

Practical Prescriptivism at its Finest!

Davie Dunnit’s Disparaging Dictionary will help you understand exactly how annoying your tiresome attempts to be “cool” or “hip” or “groovy” are to those around you who have matured, emotionally and mentally, beyond the elementary school level. Some linguists may be tsk-tsking at this point, but they can think of Davie Dunnit’s Practical Prescriptivism as less about dictating usage and more about explaining the sociolinguistic reality of word choice to the lexically inept. Below are a few sample entries.

anyhooAre you at least 90 years old, super cute, with several dozen grandkids? If not, just don’t say this. (The age limit can be begrudgingly lowered to 55 for those named Maybelle.)

beastThis is a noun, not a verb. Current linguistic trends indicate that by 2014, “The victim used beast as a verb” will be a legal defense against manslaughter in at least thirty countries.

bitchin’Unless you have caught a ride with Marty McFly and you are actually in the 1980s, trying to fit in, do not use this word.

broheem/broheim/brohiem (and others)This word cannot be spelled properly because it has no right to exist, and the English language is trying to reject it. Take the hint.

chillaxNo. (This term is self-defeating, in that it induces rage in any educated person who hears it.)

co-inkidinkIf you have the articulatory apparatus necessary to pronounce coincidence correctly, then you must do so.

epic failUnless you are Enkidu, and saddened that you did not die in battle, this term is inappropriate.

-izzleIs your name Calvin Cordozar Broadus, Jr.? If not, you are not cool enough to pull this off. Stop trying now while you have a shred of dignity left.

my badYes, your command of English is bad. Do better.

peace/outGrammar/whatever? If you do not suffer aphasia, do not speak like you suffer aphasia.

pwnedMost typos simply die out. This one should, too.

that’s hotAlas, it is not. It’s vapid. As are you. Stop it.

Davie Dunnit’s Disparaging Dictionary will help you keep your foot out of your mouth. Get your copy today!

The Nasal Tone: An Honest TaleBarb Tyd-Laika and Tessie Chopp Durnford
The “Panama Guzzler” Anagram PuzzleTrey Jones
SpecGram Vol CLXVI, No 2 Contents