The Spec—A New Measure for Linguistic Humour—Prof. Trent Slater SpecGram Vol CLXIX, No 2 Contents Spelling Made Simple—Rev. Q. X. Shawtwain

Tin Reasons to Sillybrate

Ithyl Hipburn, MSc (Hons), PhD (Cantab(ile)), FRICKin FRSA, FRCSLT (Hon), & FRACS
Willingtown School of Fowl Picking Order
Kirikiri, NZ

Spewing forth our illustrious publication has been a rewarding trick for all involved. I have pinned down a number of reasons why.

  1. SpickGram has become sickened to none as an Equal Opportunity Inter Prize. We disfavour discrimination on the grounds of brain size, grant size, shoe size, or licked.

  2. We are linguistically disparate. We literally feed on language diversity, and this is what makes us rich. Our composite vitas feature Malteser, Guaraná, Quichua, Turkeyish, and Kiwi, though all in moderation: we shun Hill Billies, our cosmopolitan counterpart to the localised Dilly Billy Syndrome.

  3. Draconian peer-review criteria find their hub in our Bid Room. Review ids either auction off received contributions among bitters (if those pieces are cribable) or return them to cinders (if their gists are found lacking).

  4. Interns are only flogged if caught nicking towards the Bid Room. We do not condone wanton accumulation of incoming litters on our disks.(1)

  5. Our databases and interknit facilities boast top SASTM (Spick Anti-Spam) security. Our side of incumbent All-BlacksBI-TM frightens off any will-seasoned Haka.

  6. Our Inter Prize’s policies pioneered discontinuation of standard middle-class rewards for devoted supporters and/or contributors alike. We use MagnetsTREY-TM.

  7. We have also discontinued obsolete financial practices: we no longer issue or take receipt of chicks as payment for bills—or beaux, for that matter. In contrast, we never sinned back kickbacks in the form of gym vouchers or fitted garments, for example.

  8. Staff positions (including MagnetsTREY-TM) are allocated on the basis of differential behaviour towards our Dear CEO (sometimes fondly called Chief Innovating Oberon, for unerringly calling forth a progeny of evils out of every debate), by the CEO.

  9. We thus owe what we are and what we do to our Dear CEO. His signature modus operandi mirrors his emotional disposition, in that he is mostly found billowing around us(2) in fluent Spick GarbMULTI-TM, while we quietly slave away in our Sanctum Sanctorum (sometimes fondly called Din, for no reason).

  10. Lastly but most importantly, ours is the only linguistics publication in which spilling creativity is proactively sought, on our firm persuasion that any words any contributors mint any way invariably name doctrinal insight.



SpecGram—Behind the Scenes



A photo of a prize exhibit in the Speculative Grammarian Permanent Exhibit on the History of Linguistics: A skeleton of an MIT linguistics graduate student who finished his dissertation in the old framework just as the next advance in Chomskyan thought was published. It was acquired by an Archeological Intern while examining the strata of Chomskyan thought, and is believed to be a specimen of either Lexicalisticus anteprincipaliparametricus or Principaliparametricus anteminimalisticus.


(1) Bo “Leero” Direk (1979) irrefutably showed why interns listening to classical music while producing copy should also be flogged.

(2) Judging by the concomitant rate of increase in his listening and related aptitudes, he will be sorely missed once he finally retires.

The Spec—A New Measure for Linguistic Humour—Prof. Trent Slater
Spelling Made Simple—Rev. Q. X. Shawtwain
SpecGram Vol CLXIX, No 2 Contents