From the Archives!—The Rejected Paper—The SpecGram Archive Elves™ SpecGram Vol CLXIX, No 2 Contents The Spec—A New Measure for Linguistic Humour—Prof. Trent Slater

Delivery Attempt Notification

Dear Editors of SpecGram :

We have made 14 unsuccessful attempts to reach you at your given address of record #4 N. Tongue Drive, Taga, Louisiana, and have made 25 fruitless attempts to reach you at phone 0e9-4489.

We therefore have

issued a subpoena
begun to nag your friends
called your mother
called your dissertation advisor
contacted your student loan officer
taken out an ad in one of those seedy magazines we know you read
given up
Xwritten a letter to the editor

in a final attempt to

let you know you have $65,000,000 waiting for you in a Nigerian bank account
really make you feel bad
sell you a ukulele
get you to take back that mean thing you said last week about Geoffrey Pullum
tell you that your subscription to Creepy Over-Educated Guys on Large Motorcycles is up for renewal
get you to call your mother
get you to call Geoffrey Pullum’s mother
point out to you kindly that, try as you may, you will never be either taller or funnier than Geoffrey Pullum
Xwish you a happy tenth anniversary

From the Archives!The Rejected PaperThe SpecGram Archive Elves™
The SpecA New Measure for Linguistic HumourProf. Trent Slater
SpecGram Vol CLXIX, No 2 Contents