A New Study of Linguistic Synesthesia—Ott Harfondle SpecGram Vol CLXIX, No 1 Contents The Fifteen Linguists—Hortatory Ergative Dudeney

Local Linguist Mom Discovers One Weird Trick for Deriving NLP Equations!
Computational Linguists Hate Her!

Do you know what makes computational linguistics better than other kinds of linguistics? It’s the math! Math is hard, and hard things are for smart people, and smart people are just better. QED.
NLP is Hard!
My brain hurts!

Take for example entropyit sounds like physics, it comes with equations, and you can compute it on words, using a computer. But you know what? “Entropy” doesn’t really mean anything, and that equation doesn’t really do anything. In fact, it’s all made up!
H(x) = -∑ p(x) logb p(x)
That’s some high quality computational
linguistification right there!

You read that right! “Entropy” is all made up. The same is true of “Hidden Markov Models”, “Support Vector Machines”, and “Bayesian Networks”, along with dozens of other career-making, math-heavy “discoveries” made in natural language processing, artificial intelligence, and machine learning.
My mind is blown!

Until now, it would be almost impossible for the average linguist to come up with such a formula on their own. The answer is a simple odd tip discovered by a local linguist mom: NLP Dice! (Computational linguists hate her!)
But How?
It seems impossible!

NLP Dice take all the guesswork out of formula creation. Just roll the dice in the comfort of your own home or office and begin living the computational linguistic dream. Formulas for any application await your discovery!
That’s Incredible!
I really want to know more!


“I was nobody in the world of computational linguistics, but then I rolled ∇F = ∀xh(x) ln pʺ(x). I have no idea what it means, but neither does anyone else, and they are already starting to call it ‘The Hånklemÿnn Semiotics Factor’; I got tenure last week! Thanks NLP Dice!

—Durnip Hånklemÿnn
Dept. of Semiotics
Rikers Island University

“For more than twenty years, I worked in the NLP mines of Silicon Valley for slave masters like Goggle, Yehaw!, HeadDesk, Outel, iBay, Netscrape, FeeFriend, Twattler, MeToob, and others. I came, I saw, I coded. I published, I perished. It wasn’t until NLP Dice gave me the resources I needed to impactfully leverage a coherent, forward-looking brand image with synergistic confidence that I was able to break free. Once I realized that ∀x s.t. Race(x) ∃y s.t. in(y,x) ∧ Rat(y), I quit that race and stopped being that rat. Now I travel the world as an Independent Scholar. Mwahahahaha!”

—Modulo Votangus
Venkatanarasim­harajuvaripeta, India

Check ’em Out!
Wow! Those are awesome!

NLP Dice can be yours for the low-low price of $49.99, payable in twelve easy monthly installments of $5.99 (finance charges apply). But you can’t really put a price on mathematical independence, professional success, and academic integrity! Order now!

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A New Study of Linguistic SynesthesiaOtt Harfondle
The Fifteen LinguistsHortatory Ergative Dudeney
SpecGram Vol CLXIX, No 1 Contents