As a follow-up to our recent survey of linguists and their preferences with respect to Spaghetti and Lasagna, we asked several more academics about their pasta preferences. For better or for worse, budget constraints dictated that the survey be conducted at a multidisciplinary humanities function held at an unnamed university. Some of the respondents were less candid and seemed to feel the need to expound upon the topic rather than answer the question, possibly because news of the experiment was leaked by some undergrads working as servers.
Also, several non-
Colonial Theorist: I prefer spaghetti in order to reverse or question the hegemony of lasagna.
Interpreting Theorist: Sadly, we don’t have a method to test the difference between either pasta yet but we can tell you that lasagna is hot and spaghetti looks like worms.
Anthropologist: We’ve found in a remote village in Calabria an interesting merger of both types, namely a pasta which has the flat features of Lasagna, but measures up to two metres in length. It is usually wrapped around the main dish.
Chomskyan Linguist: The theory of pasta establishes that a principled, non-
Contact Linguist: Italian pasta has had a strong influence on all European cuisine, to the point of mixing with indigenous sauces.
Experimental Phonetician: The cooking time of spaghetti has a mean of 9.56 minutes (σ=1.456 minutes) and of lasagna a mean of 7.43 minutes (σ=0.467 minutes), and this difference is significant.
Gen Ed Instructor in Linguistics: It’s harder to screw up spaghetti, so we’re going with that.
Hjelmslevian Linguist: The frikadeller, please.
Neurolinguist: Hard to tell. I’m not getting an N400 from either of them, and no P650 either. But now that I think of it, that spaghetti is looking a little too brain-
OT Syntactician: Whichever one doesn’t violate *Expensive and *AteItYesterday, in that order. (Ranking is reversed for full professors).
Ph.D. Supervisor: I don’t care about spaghetti or lasagna, what I want is a completed thesis!
Philologist: The first attestation of spaghetti in Italian recipe manuscripts dates back to the 12th century, whereas lasagna only appears during the course of the 14th century.
Professional Translator: That depends, which one pays more?
Staff Conference Interpreter: I just eat what I am told.
SpecGram Editorial Team: Can I get spaghetti served in a double-