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1. ODE TO ALCUINANONYMOUS (30 visits)

ODE TO ALCUIN. ALCUIN, O ALCUIN, YOU RENAIS-, SANCE-Y CAROLINGIAN BASTARD, YOU HAVE GONE AND NEARLY DOUBLED, THE COUNT OF LETTERS TO BE MASTERED. FIRST AND SECOND GRADERS ALL OVER, SHOULD REVILE YOUR WICKED NAME; EVEN THEY KNOW THAT BIG AND LITTLE , LETTERS SHOULD REALLY LOOK THE SAME. A PAN-EUROPEAN ALPHABET , WAS ONCE PERHAPS A POSSIBILITY, BUT NOW WITH β, b, AND в, IT QUITE CLEARLY CANNOT COME TO B. THE DREAM OF THAT SINGLE SCRIPT IS, NO MORE, A PARADISE WISHED, BUT LOST; MERE DUST AND ASHES, THE FOOD OF WORMS, , BLOOMS SLAIN, BY YOUR MINUSCULE FROST. O ALCUIN, YOU “LOVER OF WISDOM”, FULL OF PIETY, HUMBLE AND MEEK, I BLAME YOU FOR StUdLy CaPs, AND , CamelCase, AND WORDS TOO l33t TO ... more ] Podcast!



2. Sleeping Furiously Since 1986Laura Ryals (16 visits)

Sleeping Furiously Since 1986. by Laura Ryals. Someday, the bald king of France is going to slowly butter toast before beating his donkey, and semantics will break forever. ... It will happen by the light of the morning/evening star. ... more ]



3. Cartoon Theories of LinguisticsPart EPhonetics vs. PhonologyHilário Parenchyma, C.Phil. (6 visits)

Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, Part E—Phonetics vs. Phonology. Hilário Parenchyma, C.Phil. Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn. We will skip the introduction, as we have been there, done that. Once more into the breach! For this installment in our series on Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, we will turn our attention to Phonetics and Phonology and the difference between the two: Phonetics:, ... Phonology:, ... Thanks to Professor Phlogiston, of the Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn, for the opportunity of a lifetime, as a student, to, on this occasion, share with so many of my fellow linguisticians my views, as illustrated above, concerning matters, which are of such immeasurable import ... more ] Merch! Book!



4. Quipley’s Don’t Believe It! ... Or Do? (6 visits)

Quipley’s Don’t Believe It! ... Or Do? Frank Quipley spent some time yachting around one of the -nesias1 with his nephew Josh. A brief unscheduled stop from late morning to early evening allowed Dr. Quipley to do more fieldwork. Dr. Quipley reports on the K—— tribe, located on a remote South Pacific atoll too small to show up on any maps.2 The island is home to about 75 non-seafaring natives. The elders tell of a man and woman and a giant storm that destroyed their vaʻa. Dr. Quipley was unable to figure out the meaning of this word but is willing to venture an “educated” guess that it means banana. The island is mostly devoid of edible flora with the ... more ]



5. Vol CLXXXV, No 4 (4 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Volume CLXXXV, Number 4 ... Trey Jones, Editor-in-Chief; Keith Slater, Executive Editor; Mikael Thompson, Senior Editor; Jonathan Downie, Contributing Editor; Associate Editors: Pete Bleackley, Mark Mandel; Assistant Editors: Emily Davis, Vincent Fish, Deak Kirkham, Yuval Wigderson; Editorial Associates: Mary Shapiro; Joey Whitford, Comptroller General; Exorcising Some, Exercising Others; October 2019 ... more ]



6. A Preliminary Field Guide to Linguists, Part OneAthanasious Schadenpoodle (3 visits)

A Preliminary Field Guide to Linguists, Part One. Athanasious Schadenpoodle, University of Nueva Escranton. Introduction While naturalists have long observed the behaviors of some of the better-known families within the Order Academica, producing for the lay person such fascinating and useful volumes as Jane's Guide to Physicists and The Sierra Club Picture Guide to Psychologists, the Family Linguistica has so far not been shown a great deal of attention. This is, in part, justifiable--the small numbers of linguists, and their comparatively drab plumage, draws fewer amateur naturalists. Still, there is a need for at least one major publication on the subject. While the ... more ] Podcast!



7. LinguimericksBook ६२ (3 visits)

Linguimericks, Book ६२. Hickory, dickory, dock. Seven sheep were in the clock. They increased their number, and Three were from Cumberland: Hickory, dickory, dock —Mam Ŵydd, Do elicit the type of the monger Else rarely you’re right, often wronger: “He does not deal in duckbills, Or other outré eels, For all that he’ll sell you’s a conger.” —Pumptilian Perniquity, There once was an ideal speaker Who never made our theories weaker. Undeniably white And middle-class, right, It’s like having a Prof in a beaker —Col. O. Nihilist, A wonderful thing is haplology, Confusing our morphophonology, A syllable slips, Twixt larynx and lips, And haplogy yields ... more ]



8. Festive ArborolatryThe Speculative Grammarian Editorial Board (3 visits)

Festive Arborolatry. The Speculative Grammarian Editorial Board. This journal has in the past dabbled half-heartedly, with interspersions of sudden inexplicable fits of enthusiasm as quickly forgotten1 as they were assumed, with the vexed2 issue of the religiosity of linguists and of linguistics. Generally, of course, this being all in all a markedly secular age, no one3 has really cared about this issue, but it has come up recently in discussions of which holidays should be paid recognized tolerated. We of course recognize all the major holidaysChristmas, New Years’ Day, Thanksgiving,4 Halloween, Hangeul Day, and April ... more ]



9. A Short History of American LinguisticsTim Pulju (3 visits)

A Short History of American Linguistics*. Tim Pulju. Reprinted, with permission, from Historiographia Linguistica, XVIII:1.221-246 (1991), with minor updates and a new afterword by the author. *It has occurred to the Editor of this Journal [Historiographia Linguistica] that the History of Linguistics as an academic subject has sufficiently progressed during the past fifteen or more years to allow for this spoof to be printed in HL without being mistaken for proper scholarship. Indeed, after all the drudgery of historical research and the seriousness of reflection on matters of methodology and philosophical argument, we may be permitted to enjoy some lighter moments in our day-to-day ... more ] Book!



10. A Love/Hate Relationship: Pesky AntonymsJessie Sams (3 visits)

A Love/Hate Relationship: Pesky Antonyms. Jessie Sams, Stephen F. Austin State University. When students get to college, the majority of them have never thought about antonyms as being anything more than “opposites.” So big is the opposite of small, just like buyer is the opposite of seller. Then, all of a sudden, students are forced into a linguistics course with a professor who tells them that they have to learn to differentiate among different types of antonyms. Student’s minds are nearly exploding with information as they have to learn definitions of terms like ‘converse’ and ‘gradable’ and ‘complementary’ in the world of ... more ]



11. The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics (3 visits)

The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics . For decades, Speculative Grammarian has been the premier scholarly journal featuring research in the neglected field of satirical linguisticsand now it is available in book formboth physical and electronic! We wish we were kidding, but no, seriously, we’ve published a large collection of SpecGram articles, along with just enough new material to force obsessive collectors and fans to buy it, regardless of the cost. From the Introduction: The past twenty-five years have witnessed many changes in linguistics, with major developments in linguistic theory, significant expansion in language description, and even ... more ]



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Last updated Oct. 20, 2019.