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1. Introducing Hawelshi'ianPidge N. Kriolio (9 visits)

BREAKING LINGUISTIC NEWS Introducing Hawelshi'ian. New Language Brings Sense of Acceptance To Speakers Honolulu, Hawai'i--In a bold move sure to have language mavens everywhere either clucking "tsk-tsk" in disapproval or gasping "oooo" in admiration, a mixed group of Hawai'ian and Welsh speakers have come together to merge their two languages into one, the result of which they hope will be, in their words, "less of a laughing stock." "Hawai'ian is made fun of all the time for being 'nothing but vowels'," said A'ia'e Ia'e'iia--a native speaker of Hawai'ian--as she made angry air quotes. "And Welsh is ridiculed for having nothing but consonants," continued her brother-in-linguistic-arms and native Welsh speaker, Llwyd ... more ]



2. Vol CLXXXIV, No 4 (8 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Volume CLXXXIV, Number 4 ... Trey Jones, Editor-in-Chief Keith Slater, Executive Editor Mikael Thompson, Senior Editor Jonathan Downie, Contributing Editor, Associate Editors, Pete Bleackley Mark Mandel, Assistant Editors, Emily Davis Vincent Fish Deak Kirkham Yuval Wigderson, Editorial Associates, Joe McAvoy Tel Monks Mary Shapiro, Joey Whitford, Comptroller General It’s Enough to Make One See the Bright Side of Anarchy June 2019 ... more ]



3. The Compleat Encyclopaedia of Compendious Historical Lexicons of Obscure and Archaic Vernacular and Nomenclature (7 visits)

The Compleat Encyclopaedia of Compendious Historical Lexicons of Obscure and Archaic Vernacular and Nomenclature. Welcome to Online Selections from The Compleat Encyclopaedia of Compendious Historical Lexicons of Obscure and Archaic Vernacular and Nomenclature, researched, compiled, and edited by the lexicographers, etymologists, and philologists of Speculative Grammarian. The editors of Speculative Grammarian are delighted to present selections of the fifty-volume lexicographic opus, The Compleat Encyclopaedia of Compendious Historical Lexicons of Obscure and Archaic Vernacular and Nomenclature, online for the first time ever. The Compleat Encyclopaedia is a one-of-a-kind resource, compiled ... more ]



4. Kill All PhoneticiansDie Lingulelen (7 visits)

Kill All Phoneticians. by Die Lingulelen, With apologies to Johnny Cash . The taste of love is sweet When two syntacticians meet But can our love survive If we don’t agree how to derive?, Intense romance between scientific rivals Do you believe in data or is Chomsky’s book your bible? We are still united / by one conviction: Hate of phoneticians ... hate of phoneticians, Your wanna-contraction claims fill me with hate But I still wanna copulate A trace can’t keep want and to apart But you left a trace in my heart, Intense romance between scientific rivals Do you believe in data or is Chomsky’s book your bible? We are still united / by one conviction: Hate of phoneticians ... more ] Podcast!



5. About Us (7 visits)

Speculative Grammarian and SpecGram.com. Our Story. The august journal Speculative Grammarian has a long, rich, and varied history, weaving an intricate and subtle tapestry from disparate strands of linguistics, philology, history, politics, science, technology, botany, pharmacokinetics, computer science, the mathematics of humor, basket weaving, archery, glass blowing, roller coaster design, and bowling, among numerous other, less obvious fields. SpecGram, as it is known to devotees and sworn enemies alike, has for centuries sought to bring together the greatest yet least understood minds of the time, embedding itself firmly in the cultural and psychological matrix of the global society while ... more ] Podcast!



6. Summer Puzzle Mega Issue Solutions (5 visits)

Summer Puzzle Mega Issue Solutions. Scrambled Linguist—Trey Jones ნიკოლოზ იაკობის ძე მარი (though “Nicholas Marr” was also accepted). ... Self-Defining Puzzle—Swivelhips Smith, D.Phil. NP vs Np # is rotated 90° S vs Q at root .—? vs ? differences vs diferences two vs 2 line length for MD—Can Knights of the Linguistic Roundtable—Fergus Falls-Brainerd VOICELESSNESS Lingo Jumble—Orang Pendek, D.Sc. and Orang Mawas, Litt.D. ... more ]



7. Linguistic EquationsProf. Lars Tyndskids and Dr. Jef Van Pijperzele (5 visits)

Linguistic Equations. by Prof. Lars Tyndskids, University of Langtbortistan, and Dr. Jef Van Pijperzele, University of Verweggistan. These puzzles are worth 1 point each. Each equation contains the initials of words that will make it correct. Find the missing words. ... Words of Dubious Roman Origin—Numerius Negidius et Aulus Agerius, ... Famous Extracts—John Miaou, ... SpecGram Vol CLVII, No η Contents, ... more ]



8. RebusWulfila Bruinne, M.F.A., Ph.D. (5 visits)

Rebus. by Wulfila Bruinne, M.F.A. Ph.D. University of North Oodaaq. This puzzle is worth 3 points. ... Lingo Jumble—Orang Pendek, D.Sc. and Orang Mawas, Litt.D. ... E’s-y Cryptogram—Prof. Dr. phil. habil. Erlösende Einigkeit, ... SpecGram Vol CLVII, No η Contents, ... more ]



9. Choose Your Own Career in Linguistics (5 visits)

Choose Your Own Career in Linguistics. by Trey Jones. As a service to our young and impressionable readers who are considering pursuing a career in linguistics, Speculative Grammarian is pleased to provide the following Gedankenexperiment to help you understand the possibilities and consequences of doing so. For our old and bitter readers who are too far along in their careers to have any real hope of changing the eventual outcome, we provide the following as a cruel reminder of what might have been. Let the adventure begin ... more ] Book!



10. Cartoon Theories of LinguisticsPart EPhonetics vs. PhonologyHilário Parenchyma, C.Phil. (5 visits)

Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, Part E—Phonetics vs. Phonology. Hilário Parenchyma, C.Phil. Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn. We will skip the introduction, as we have been there, done that. Once more into the breach! For this installment in our series on Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, we will turn our attention to Phonetics and Phonology and the difference between the two: Phonetics:, ... Phonology:, ... Thanks to Professor Phlogiston, of the Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn, for the opportunity of a lifetime, as a student, to, on this occasion, share with so many of my fellow linguisticians my views, as illustrated above, concerning matters, which are of such immeasurable import ... more ] Merch! Book!



11. Vol CLXX, No 1 (5 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Volume CLXX, Number 1 ... Trey Jones, Editor-in-Chief Keith Slater, Executive Editor Bill Spruiell, Senior Editor Sheri Wells-Jensen, Consulting Editor, Associate Editors, Madalena Cruz-Ferreira Jonathan Downie Mikael Thompson, Assistant Editors, Pete Bleackley Virginia Bouchard Florian Breit Callum Robson, Editorial Associates, Kenny Baclawski Bethany Carlson Sophie Elsässer Rachel Jamison Katerina Kandylaki Stephanie Leser Mark Mandel Tel Monks Daniela Müller Jona Sassenhagen Lea Schäfer Zac Smith, Joey Whitford, Comptroller General Ernomahterpoeria May 2014 ... more ]



12. A Love/Hate Relationship: Pesky AntonymsJessie Sams (5 visits)

A Love/Hate Relationship: Pesky Antonyms. Jessie Sams, Stephen F. Austin State University. When students get to college, the majority of them have never thought about antonyms as being anything more than “opposites.” So big is the opposite of small, just like buyer is the opposite of seller. Then, all of a sudden, students are forced into a linguistics course with a professor who tells them that they have to learn to differentiate among different types of antonyms. Student’s minds are nearly exploding with information as they have to learn definitions of terms like ‘converse’ and ‘gradable’ and ‘complementary’ in the world of ... more ]



13. Speaking in TonguesA Letter from Charismatic Editor Eakd Hirmkak (5 visits)

Speaking in Tongues. A Letter from Charismatic Editor Eakd Hirmkak. Now, I’ve been working away in the language sciences for over 20 years, but was amazed the other day when I was flicking through the classified advertisements in my local newspaper to read that the term linguist actually derives from the Latin lingua meaning both “language” and “tongue”. Apparently, this is also reflected even in English expressions like “your native tongue” “speaking in tongues” “tongue-tied” and “has the cat got your tongue”. Well I never. Anyway, all this insight, quite rightly, got me thinking all about tongues, what they are and what we do ... more ]



14. How to Pay for Linguistic FieldworkSpecGram Editorial Board (4 visits)

How to Pay for Linguistic Fieldwork. by the SpecGram Editorial Board. The thing is is that fieldwork is expensive, and yet we have to somehow pay for it. Or we won’t get to do it. And really, heaven help the poor soul who can’t pay for a trip even to Tahiti, and has to try to come up with some topic on English syntax that hasn’t already been beaten like a dead metaphor. At SpecGram, our interest is is to help people in this kind of situation. So, in the interest of new data (or, should we say, in the interest of no more old English data), and out of a sense of selfless devotion to the betterment of Ph.D. students all across Linguistica, the SpecGram editorial board has pulled together ... more ] Podcast! Book!



15. Vol CLXXV, No 1 (4 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Volume CLXXV, Number 1 Sēsquiplicātus स्टफ Ἡμι-Demi-Семи- Μέγα Issue ... Trey Jones, Editor-in-Chief Keith Slater, Executive Editor Bill Spruiell, Senior Editor Sheri Wells-Jensen, Consulting Editor, Associate Editors, Pete Bleackley Madalena Cruz-Ferreira Jonathan Downie Mikael Thompson, Assistant Editors, Virginia Bouchard Florian Breit Mark Mandel Yuval Wigderson, Editorial Associates, Adam Baker Bethany Carlson Peter Carrillo Tel Monks Davis Prickett Laura Ryals Brock Schardin Mary Shapiro Isabelle Tellier Anna Weingarten, Joey Whitford, Comptroller General I love a good creole. It’s got that new language smell. ... more ]



16. Crossword for Indo-EuropeanistsTim Pulju (4 visits)

Crossword for Indo-Europeanists. by Tim Pulju. This puzzle is worth 10 points. Across, 1. Talks on and on, 5. Tense-aspect typologist Östen, 9. Pronoun for Narten, 12. Cupid, 13. Great lake, 14. Help, 15. Present stem w/secondary endings and augment, 17. Where to put a dead Villanovan, 18. Leader of the pack, 19. Hand or spear, in India or Italy, 21. Japanese drama, 22. Experiences emotion, 24. Ahab’s quarry, 27. Reel’s partner, 28. Selected Synonyms author, 31. Make a mistake, 32. Metal-bearing rock, 33. Caviar, 34. Horse race tipster, 36. ... more ]



17. Lingo JumbleOrang Pendek, D.Sc. and Orang Mawas, Litt.D. (4 visits)

Lingo Jumble. by Orang Pendek, D.Sc. and Orang Mawas, Litt.D. Professors of Linguistic Cryptozoölogy, Batutut Ujit University of Southeast Asia. This puzzle is worth 3 points. Unscramble the letters in each phrase on the left to form a linguistic term on the right. Then unscramble all the letters in the circles to name a linguistically famous person. ROD PROP, ◯ ... _ - ... _ ... _, NU PORNO, ... _ ... ◯ ... _ _, SIREN GIVES, ... _ ... _ ... _ ... ◯ ... _, MYOPIA TILT, ... _ ... ◯ ... _ ... _ ... _, OCULAR CITATION, ... _ ◯ ... _ ... _ ... _ ... _ ... _ _, INFORMANT ROAST, ... _ ... ◯ ... _ ... _ ... _ ... _ ... _, Final answer: ◯ ◯ ◯ ◯ ◯ ... more ]



18. SpecGram Classifieds (4 visits)

Speculative Grammarian CLASSIFIEDS FOR SALE ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ FIRE SALE!, EVERYTHING IN THIS, STORAGE UNIT MUST GO!, Poulsen Tele­gra­phones (2), Kay Sona-Graph DSP 5500, Electro Voice 630 V2 microphones (3); IBM 5100 Personal Computer; Eugene Dietz­gen Company Improved Mann­heim Simplex Slide Rules (4), XT Uzi/Reel-to-Reel Recorders (3); Miscellaneous logarithm tables and nomo­graphs of various vintages. PRICES NEGOTIABLE. NO NARCS!, Contact UGOLINO, SG Box 5668. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ For sale, common sense theories, never used. Contact Wm. Jones, SG Box 9–28. For sale, 47 lightly used sets ... more ]



19. Mad LibitumAn Offering from the Puzzle Editors (4 visits)

Mad Libitum. An Offering from the Puzzle Editors. This is not a puzzle, and it is worth 0 points. Now that you have made it to the end of the Summer Puzzle Mega Issue, it is time for a little relaxation for your by-now over-taxed brain. To that end, we have put together a number of Mad Libitum games for your amusement. Enjoy! ... more ]



20. Good Enough for Folk EtymologyPart VA. Pocryphal & Verity du Bius (4 visits)

Good Enough for Folk Etymology Part V. A. Pocryphal & Verity du Bius, X. Quizzit Korps Center for Advanced Collaborative Studies. The SpecGram Archive Elves recently made another large collection of documents available to the XQK Directorate, leaving them on our doorstep in black plastic sacks in the middle of the night. In order to avoid any more unfortunate incidents involving a cucumber, a marmot, or the Director’s favorite coffee mug, we were given the task of cataloging these documents. Going through the collection, we have found again that, while apparently lacking provenance (which the Archive Elves still attribute to a bizarre set of circumstances obscurely ... more ]



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Last updated Jun. 26, 2019.