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1. The Native American Origins of Jack and JillMary Hadlitt-Lamb (5 visits)

The Native American Origins of Jack and Jill. Mary Hadlitt-Lamb, Grimm Institute of Folkloristics. “Jack and Jill” is usually described as a traditional English nursery rhyme. Few scholars have considered the possibility that its origins may lie further afield. However, compare the first verse Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, And Jill came tumbling after. with the following Mohawk word tahoten­onhwarori’­taksen’­skwe’t­shera­kahrhat­enia’­tonháîtie “That fool came tumbling down the hill.” A casual analysis would attribute this to coincidence. After all, the English rhyme ... more ]

2. An Introduction to Linguistics in Haiku FormAnonymous (5 visits)

An Introduction to, Linguistics in Haiku Form. Anonymous. linguistic theory, hidden representations, to surface structures phonology is, sound patterns of languages, phonemes, allophones phonetics is sounds, articulation of them, acoustics, hearing comp. linguistics is, theory into efficient, implementation morphology is, if same structure, same meaning, then it’s a morpheme syntactic theory, blah blah chomsky chomsky blah, blah chomsky blah blah ... more ] Podcast! Book!

3. Podcast—Language Made Difficult, Vol. L (4 visits)

Language Made Difficult, Vol. L — The SpecGram LingNerds are on their own this time. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss the dangers of mispronouncing the names of Canadian provinces, and then advise students as to what they should *not* do. They also fail to celebrate the 50th episode. Many outtakes are provided. ... listen ]

4. Cartoon Theories of LinguisticsPart EPhonetics vs. PhonologyHilário Parenchyma, C.Phil. (4 visits)

Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, Part E—Phonetics vs. Phonology. Hilário Parenchyma, C.Phil. Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn. We will skip the introduction, as we have been there, done that. Once more into the breach! For this installment in our series on Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, we will turn our attention to Phonetics and Phonology and the difference between the two: Phonetics:, ... Phonology:, ... Thanks to Professor Phlogiston, of the Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn, for the opportunity of a lifetime, as a student, to, on this occasion, share with so many of my fellow linguisticians my views, as illustrated above, concerning matters, which are of such immeasurable import ... more ] Merch! Book!

5. The SpecGram Linguistic Advice Collective (4 visits)

The SpecGram Linguistic Advice Collective. Are you in a world of linguistic hurt? The SpecGram Linguistic Advice Collective (SLAC) will offer you empirical, empathic, emphatic advice you can use!* ... Remember, if you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, then you don’t need advice! So, if you need advice, trust usand cut yourself some SLAC! ... Dear SLAC, Having read the advice you gave to previous questioners, I am very pleased to send you my question or rather my problem. You see, I was in the hallway of a hallowed place of linguistic learning the other day when a physics professor uttered the following attempt at humour: “Someone tried to get me ... more ]

6. Latin to 与工以口-尺口爪凡以 Converter (3 visits)

Anybody and everybody uses Roman script. 山巨 刀巨与巨尺立巨 仍巨十十巨尺。 What we need is something more distinctive. 与工以口-尺口爪凡以 亡口爪仍工以巨与 十廿巨 仍巨与十 口斤 巨凡与十 凡以刀 山巨与十。 Elegant, refined, and beautiful! 凹与巨 与工以口-尺口爪凡以! ... more ]

7. The Compleat Encyclopaedia of Compendious Historical Lexicons of Obscure and Archaic Vernacular and Nomenclature (3 visits)

The Compleat Encyclopaedia of Compendious Historical Lexicons of Obscure and Archaic Vernacular and Nomenclature. Welcome to Online Selections from The Compleat Encyclopaedia of Compendious Historical Lexicons of Obscure and Archaic Vernacular and Nomenclature, researched, compiled, and edited by the lexicographers, etymologists, and philologists of Speculative Grammarian. ... The editors of Speculative Grammarian are delighted to present selections of the fifty-volume lexicographic opus, The Compleat Encyclopaedia of Compendious Historical Lexicons of Obscure and Archaic Vernacular and Nomenclature, online for the first time ever. The Compleat Encyclopaedia is a one-of-a-kind resource, ... more ]

8. JLSSCNCVol I, No 4Gaugauh Kamadugha (3 visits)

Gaugauh Kamadugha. The Journal of the Linguistic Society of South-Central New Caledonia. Volume I, Number 4. August 1991. ... more ]

9. Letters to the Editor (CLI.3) (3 visits)

Letters to the Editor, ... To the most respected Editors, In the fall I’ll be a first-year grad student in linguistics at R––– University. A couple of the current fourth-years told me that the International Phonetic Association was adding several new symbols for sounds that have previously been considered to have questionable status as phonemes. They said that the most contentious new addition was double-dot wide-O, a nasal-ingressive voiceless velar trill. I’ve leafed through several back issues of SpecGram, Language, and a few other journals. I’ve searched the Linguist List archives, and scoured the web. I can’t find anything about it (though right ... more ] Podcast! Merch!

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It’s the crack of dawn somewhere. While those people get some coffee, let’s see what’s been happening over the last 7 days that may be of interest to a discerning reader like you.

A Note on dice ‘dice’Response to O’Moarfz (2018)Ἀστράγαλοι Κυβιχησκιῐ (70 visits)

A Note on dice ‘dice’ Response to O’Moarfz (2018). Ἀστράγαλοι Κυβιχησκιῐ University of Pennsylvania. O’Moarfz (2018) presents an original and resourceful analysis of the English plural in -s, arguing forthmostly that the underlying form (UF) of the plural is /-s/. A wide range of articulatory, typological, and psycholinguistic data is adduced to support, and in support of, this analysis. I welcome O’Moarfz’s proposal both as an important addition to the literature on the English plural and as a contribution to linguistic theory in general: the ... more ]

Hazards of Fieldwork Among the HiithrobnsnWilliam Moore-Crusoe (60 visits)

Hazards of Fieldwork Among the Hiithrobnsn. William Moore-Crusoe, Winter Academy of Language. The Hiithrobnsn live in a remote, marshy and inhospitable region of Guyana. A traditional greeting amongst them is “Mind where you walk,” wise advice, as it is vitally important to make sure that you remain on what passes for dry land locally. Stray into the mire and you risk being bitten, stung, infected or electrocuted by the various unpleasant creatures that dwell therein. The Hiithrobnsn have 27 words for “swamp” and all of them are pejorative. They can be used as attitudinals conveying various degrees of displeasure, ranging from mild irritation to a declaration of war. Despite this, they are a ... more ] Podcast!

From the Archives!Kokopelli/Phonē Fetish IdolThe SpecGram Archive Elves™ (51 visits)

From the Archives!—Kokopelli/Phonē Fetish Idol. The SpecGram Archive Elves™. As earlier reported, our very own Butch McBastard chanced upon a satchel of papers and other miscellanea labeled, “ Top Secret SpecGram Time Capsule, 1964Do Not Open for 50 Years! ” The sporadic squabbling with the SpecGram legal team over potential incriminating evidence proprietary information carries on, but we are again able to share with our readers some of the riches within the satchel. Here is a photo of the sixteenth archival item, a Kokopelli/Phonē fetish idol. Believed to be a totem of an unusually syncretic form of the SpecGram religion, here the ... more ]

Be a Linguistics SurvivorOut-Think. Out-Publish. ... Out Cold.J. Probst and X. Pedition Robinson (45 visits)

Be a Linguistics Survivor, Out-Think. Out-Publish. ... Out Cold.. J. Probst and X. Pedition Robinson, X. Quizzit Korps Center for Advanced Collaborative Studies. As a public service, we have decided to put together an extensive list of heuristics useful for anyone wishing to pursue a career in linguistics and related fields. This, at least, should reduce the chance of readers falling foul of that dread disease: academicus expatriatus.1 No area with the prefix post- or the suffix ism was ever useful. And having both is a serious red flag. Never give data to a theorist. If you study a language no one else speaks, all your conclusions are automatically correct. If no one ... more ]

Letters to the Editor (CXLIX.3) (42 visits)

Letters to the Editor. Eds, I read with disbelief your news story "Introducing Hawelshi'ian", describing a union of Hawai'ian and Welsh. Are your reporters so out of touch with the world of Merged Language Movements (MLM) that they know nothing of Ms. Mishi Mashu, quoted in the article? Mashu is alleged to be the illegitimate great-grand daughter of Mata Hari. Her purportedly tarnished parentage aside, she is also well-known in MLM circles for derailing several high-profile linguistic mergers and acquisitions. She successfully prevented the Ebonics-Norwegian merger in '92. She also precipitated an international incident in 1996 when she spread such fear, uncertainty, and doubt in the minds of the members of the ... more ]

About Us (41 visits)

Speculative Grammarian and Our Story. The august journal Speculative Grammarian has a long, rich, and varied history, weaving an intricate and subtle tapestry from disparate strands of linguistics, philology, history, politics, science, technology, botany, pharmacokinetics, computer science, the mathematics of humor, basket weaving, archery, glass blowing, roller coaster design, and bowling, among numerous other, less obvious fields. SpecGram, as it is known to devotees and sworn enemies alike, has for centuries sought to bring together the greatest yet least understood minds of the time, embedding itself firmly in the cultural and psychological matrix of the global society while ... more ] Podcast!

Vol CLXXXI, No 3 (36 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Volume CLXXXI, Number 3 ... Trey Jones, Editor-in-Chief Keith Slater, Executive Editor, Associate Editors, Pete Bleackley Jonathan Downie Mikael Thompson, Assistant Editors, Virginia Bouchard Mark Mandel Yuval Wigderson, Editorial Associates, Samuel Andersson Florian Breit Emily Davis Vincent Fish Anita G. Gorman Andrew Lamont Ollie Sayeed Mary Shapiro Bill Spruiell Daniel Swanson Sheri Wells-Jensen, Joey Whitford, Comptroller General Time Well Spent May 2018 ... more ]

Archives (35 visits)

SpecGram Archives. A word from our Senior Archivist, Holger Delbrück: While bringing aging media to the web and hence the world is truly a labor of love, SpecGram tries the passion of even the most ardent admirer. Needless to say, we’ve fallen behind schedule. At every turn, the authors found in the pages of this hallowed journal stretch credibility with their gratuitous font mongeringfirst it was the IPA, then a few non-standard transcription systems, then Greek, and not just the alphabet, but the entire diacritical mess, and now I’ve got some god-forsaken Old Church Slavonic glyph sitting on my desk that no one can even name, and which would give the Unicode Consortium ... more ]

Choose Your Own Career in Linguistics (23 visits)

Choose Your Own Career in Linguistics. by Trey Jones. As a service to our young and impressionable readers who are considering pursuing a career in linguistics, Speculative Grammarian is pleased to provide the following Gedankenexperiment to help you understand the possibilities and consequences of doing so. For our old and bitter readers who are too far along in their careers to have any real hope of changing the eventual outcome, we provide the following as a cruel reminder of what might have been. Let the adventure begin ... more ] Book!

The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics (23 visits)

The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics . For decades, Speculative Grammarian has been the premier scholarly journal featuring research in the neglected field of satirical linguisticsand now it is available in book formboth physical and electronic! We wish we were kidding, but no, seriously, we’ve published a large collection of SpecGram articles, along with just enough new material to force obsessive collectors and fans to buy it, regardless of the cost. From the Introduction: The past twenty-five years have witnessed many changes in linguistics, with major developments in linguistic theory, significant expansion in language description, and even ... more ]

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Last updated May 22, 2018.