Most Popular Pages—Last 30 Days

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1. Macron to Face Le Pen in French Election (382 visits)

Macron to Face Le Pen in French Election. SpecGram Wire Services. The Front National candidate, Marine Le Pen, has reacted to the news that Emmanuel Macron will be her opponent in the final round of the French Presidential election. “Here I will draw the line,” she said. “This Macron, he is not French enough. We have the acute, the grave, the circumflex, the cedilla and the tréma. Surely these are all the diacritics French needs? We must not allow more to come in from other languages.” When asked about Le Pen’s statement, Macron replied, “What France needs now is an accent that leans neither to the left, like the acute, nor to the right, like the grave, but stays right in the ... more ]

2. Vol CLXXVIII, No 4Scans (364 visits)

SpecGram, Vol CLXXVIII, No 4 Unfortunately, the electronic version of this month’s issue of SpecGram was lost when our data center was flooded. Our tape backup system also failed, and M.A.Y.N.A.R.D. refused to help retrieve the lost data. In order to bring you Vol CLXXVIII, No 4 of Speculative Grammarian, the interns have hastily scanned a print copy of the journal, provided below. Sorry for any inconvenience —Eds. ... more ]

3. Vol CLXXVIII, No π (349 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Volume CLXXVIII, Number π ... Speculative Grammarian, in association with, Psammeticus Press, is proud to present a special, supplemental duograph, Pseudo-Psiblings, by Trey Jones, &, On Pseudo-Psiblings, by Fillastre Pèl-Roig, et al. Trey Jones, Managing Editor Keith Slater, Executive Editor, Pseudo-Psiblings Mid-April 2016 ... more ]

4. The Compleat Encyclopaedia of Compendious Historical Lexicons of Obscure and Archaic Vernacular and Nomenclature (325 visits)

The Compleat Encyclopaedia of Compendious Historical Lexicons of Obscure and Archaic Vernacular and Nomenclature. Welcome to Online Selections from The Compleat Encyclopaedia of Compendious Historical Lexicons of Obscure and Archaic Vernacular and Nomenclature, researched, compiled, and edited by the lexicographers, etymologists, and philologists of Speculative Grammarian. ... The editors of Speculative Grammarian are delighted to present selections of the fifty-volume lexicographic opus, The Compleat Encyclopaedia of Compendious Historical Lexicons of Obscure and Archaic Vernacular and Nomenclature, online for the first time ever. The Compleat Encyclopaedia is a one-of-a-kind resource, ... more ]

5. Grey Duck or Goose?Mapping variation in a children’s game in MinnesotaSven Slater and Ollie Bickford (317 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Youth Research Focus is proud to bring you the finest language-related research by the world’s school-aged youth. Grey Duck or Goose?, Mapping variation in a children’s game in Minnesota. Fifth Grade Science Fair Project, by Sven Slater and Ollie Bickford, J. O. Nelson Public School, St. Cloud, Minnesota, USA. Research Question. Last year, a new kid named Tyler P. joined our fourth grade class. Tyler was from Illinois or some other southern state, and she told us that down there kids play “duck, duck, goose,” instead of “duck, duck, grey duck” like we do here in Minnesota. We thought this was strange, even for the South, but then we ... more ] Podcast! Book!

6. Pseudo-Psiblings™And Other Views of Multiply-Blended FamiliesTrey Jones (310 visits)

Pseudo-Psiblings™ And Other Views of Multiply-Blended Families. A proposal for improving and clarifying family nomenclature for the 21st century. by Trey Jones. Introduction. Language evolvesotherwise we’d all be able to read Beowulf in the original, right? Sometimes language changes in response to cultural changes. But sometimes it doesn’t change fast enough to keep up with cultural changes. This paper seeks to give English a little push in a much-needed direction. There has been a fairly radical change in Western society in the last hundred years or so. It used to be that if a woman was on her fourth husband, one automatically felt a little sorry for ... more ]

7. Archives (285 visits)

SpecGram Archives. A word from our Senior Archivist, Holger Delbrück: While bringing aging media to the web and hence the world is truly a labor of love, SpecGram tries the passion of even the most ardent admirer. Needless to say, we’ve fallen behind schedule. At every turn, the authors found in the pages of this hallowed journal stretch credibility with their gratuitous font mongeringfirst it was the IPA, then a few non-standard transcription systems, then Greek, and not just the alphabet, but the entire diacritical mess, and now I’ve got some god-forsaken Old Church Slavonic glyph sitting on my desk that no one can even name, and which would give the Unicode Consortium ... more ]

8. About Us (251 visits)

Speculative Grammarian and The august journal Speculative Grammarian has a long, rich, and varied history, weaving an intricate and subtle tapestry from disparate strands of linguistics, philology, history, politics, science, technology, botany, pharmacokinetics, computer science, the mathematics of humor, basket weaving, archery, glass blowing, roller coaster design, and bowling, among numerous other, less obvious fields. SpecGram, as it is known to devotees and sworn enemies alike, has for centuries sought to bring together the greatest yet least understood minds of the time, embedding itself firmly in the cultural and psychological matrix of the global society while simultaneously illuminating, ... more ] Podcast!

9. Ministry of Propaganda (205 visits)

The SpecGram Ministry of Propaganda. Welcome to the SpecGram Ministry of Propaganda. The SpecGram Archive Elves™ have undertaken a project to digitize and share a sheaf of early 20th century SpecGram propaganda posters, which were used during the Great Linguistic War and the Second Linguistic War to encourage linguists everywhere to keep a stiff upper lip and a sense of humor during those trying times. We provide the digitized posters here for you to enjoy, retrospect on, and share. Select a poster to see a higher quality image, and for links to share on social media, to email friends, and to view or download the highest quality version of the image. If you have ideas for other messages that need ... more ]

10. Will the Real Linguists Please Stand Up?Prof. Trent Slater (205 visits)

Will the Real Linguists Please Stand Up?. Prof. Trent Slater, Professor of Unprovable Linguistics Literature. With the rise in machine translation, forensic linguistics, literary linguistics and <shudder> the internet, there is growing lexicographical confusion over the meaning and scope of the term “linguist”.1 In an effort to resolve this confusion once and for all, we interviewed three “linguists” for their views. Linguist A is a professor in unintelligible constructed proto-languages at the University of Jobless Graduates. Linguist B is a freelance translator, specialising in documents for long-term archiving in time capsules. Linguist C is a world-leading ... more ]

11. Choose Your Own Career in Linguistics (178 visits)

Choose Your Own Career in Linguistics. by Trey Jones. As a service to our young and impressionable readers who are considering pursuing a career in linguistics, Speculative Grammarian is pleased to provide the following Gedankenexperiment to help you understand the possibilities and consequences of doing so. For our old and bitter readers who are too far along in their careers to have any real hope of changing the eventual outcome, we provide the following as a cruel reminder of what might have been. Let the adventure begin ... more ] Book!

12. Things You Didn’t Know You Didn’t KnowMadalena Cruz-Ferreira (176 visits)

Things You Didn’t Know You Didn’t Know, (because they aren’t actually true), gathered at great personal risk of, psycholinguistic harm from actual student papers, by Madalena Cruz-Ferreira Beginner Speculations. This collection of students’ pearls of wisdom, laboriously digitised from hand-written papersno slips of the keyboard or spell-checker auto-corrections can be blamed for these beautiesdemonstrates how students new to the study of language speculate about grammar after having imperfectly absorbed what their teachers think they have taught them. The English languageHistorical Aspects. The arrival of the Anglo-Saxon ... more ] Book!

13. The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics (173 visits)

The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics . For decades, Speculative Grammarian has been the premier scholarly journal featuring research in the neglected field of satirical linguisticsand now it is available in book formboth physical and electronic! We wish we were kidding, but no, seriously, we’ve published a large collection of SpecGram articles, along with just enough new material to force obsessive collectors and fans to buy it, regardless of the cost. From the Introduction: The past twenty-five years have witnessed many changes in linguistics, with major developments in linguistic theory, significant expansion in language description, and even ... more ]

14. Linguistics Nerd CampBethany Carlson (172 visits)

Linguistics Nerd Camp. Bethany Carlson. Marsha and her thesis made a cute couple, but their friends worried she was trying to change him ... more ] Podcast! Book!

15. Linguistics Nerd CampBethany Carlson (168 visits)

Linguistics Nerd Camp. Bethany Carlson. You’re the t to my ʃ the k to my x. Without you I’d be just a ʒ with no d. A fricative alone was I until you made my heart stop. ... more ]

16. Linguistic Term Definitions for DummiesDummies (166 visits)

Linguistic Term Definitions for Dummies. by Dummies. Are you confused by linguistic jargon? Does discussing “aspect” make you feel tense, ruining your mood? Are you too embarrassed to ask for help? No worries! We’ve got you covered with this handy glossary of linguistic term definitions for dummies. Use this glossary and your friends and colleagues will discover just how much you know about linguistics in no time! Applied Linguisticsthe study of the language of dishonest smartphone software Aspectdescribes an action that was performed by a donkey which believed itself to be a chicken Asteriskyour “body part put on the ... more ]

17. Special Supplemental Letter from the Editor-at-BatButch McBastard (165 visits)

Special Supplemental Letter from the Editor-at-Bat. Butch McBastard. In the early 1990s, then-Associate-Editor Trey Jones submitted a short article to SpecGram, giving a concise but mathematically correct 237-page outline of the sociolinguistic, etymological, and morphological necessity of a new system of kinship nomenclature in English, most of it consisting of the syllable / ʋƙʲɢ̈ɽø̃ᵚŋ̊ʘʷt̪ˡ /, spoken with different tones, preferably underwater. As was the usual practice at the time, a team of editors was assigned to whipping the paper into publishable shape. The process, which often takes a year or ... more ]

18. Our Plans to Take Over The LINGUIST List (164 visits)

Our Plans to Take Over the LINGUIST List. Honestly, it’s more of something the interns are noodling around with in their spare time. They don’t really have the means, or a well-formed plan. But the accounting interns have figured out that at their current savings rate, they should have enough money to pay for a month of running the LINGUIST List in, oh, about 113 years, give or take a quarter or two. Sure, the SpecGram interns aren’t really raking in the dough, but it’s pretty expensive to run the LINGUIST List. (They’d save some money if they’d just flog their interns harderwe keep trying to tell them that it works, but that’s “not who they ... more ]

19. On Pseudo-PsiblingsA Good Start in Need of Significant Linguistic Improvements Which We Have Undertaken and Are Here to Report OnFillastre Pèl-Roig, Belle-Fille Rousse, Hijastro Pelirrojo, Rauðaz Khæran Steupa-Kiltham, Rotkopf Stiefkind, Punatukkainen Tytärpuoli, and Vörös Hajú Mostohagyerek (157 visits)

On Pseudo-Psiblings*, A Good Start in Need of Significant Linguistic Improvements, Which We Have Undertaken and Are Here to Report On. Fillastre Pèl-Roig,a Belle-Fille Rousse,b Hijastro Pelirrojo,c Rauðaz Khæran Steupa-Kiltham,ab Rotkopf Stiefkind,ac Punatukkainen Tytärpuoli,bc and Vörös Hajú Mostohagyerekabc. with begrudgingly acknowledged & extremely minor input from Trey JoneszΩ Well That’s Dumb. For the last 19.4 years, those of us with the ... more ]

20. ChickeneseA Grammatical SketchDamon Lord (152 visits)

ChickeneseA Grammatical Sketch. Damon Lord. Many linguists and animal psychologists have sought to discover if mankind is the sole species to have developed language. Recent experiments with chickens at Foxchester University, in Foxchester, England, have discovered that mankind is no longer alone. The language discovered has been dubbed Chickenese by linguists. All attempts to quantify grammar have failed; linguists believe Chickenese has little (if any) grammar. The current theory is that, due to the small size of the brain of the domesticated chicken and the limited vocabulary of the chicken species, thought processes are not developed enough to develop grammar, although repetition has been observed. ... more ] Podcast!

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Last updated Apr. 28, 2017.