Most Popular Pages—Last 30 Days

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1. The Perplexed Linguist’s Guide to English DepartmentsAthanasious Schadenpoodle (523 visits)

The Perplexed Linguist’s Guide to English Departments. Now with Footnotes! Athanasious Schadenpoodle. So, Dear Reader, you have completed your Ph.D. in Linguistics (yay you!), run headlong into the grim realities of the modern job market (poor you!), broadened your ideas about possible teaching contexts (smart you!) and landed a gig in an English department (lucky you?). You’ve potentially got the base of the Maslovian pyramid covered for at least a semester, but you’re in a rather alien environment, surrounded by people who talk funny in a way that Dialectology 501 never prepared you for and who have some markedly odd folkways. Some culture shock is inevitable, but a little knowledge can go a long ... more ]



2. Vol CLXXX, No ρ (514 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Volume CLXXX, Number ρ ... Speculative Grammarian, in association with Psammeticus Press, is proud to present a special supplemental monograph: The Perplexed Linguist’s Guide to English Departments, by Athanasious Schadenpoodle, Trey Jones, Managing Editor Keith Slater, Executive Editor Bill Spruiell, Monograph Editor, The Perplexed Linguist’s Guide to English Departments Mid-November 2017 ... more ]



3. Vol CLXXX, No 2 (448 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Volume CLXXX, Number 2 Special Teaching Issue II, Sponsored again, but with less enthusiasm, by Rosetta Stein ... Trey Jones, Editor-in-Chief Keith Slater, Executive Editor, Associate Editors, Pete Bleackley Jonathan Downie Mikael Thompson, Assistant Editors, Virginia Bouchard Mark Mandel Yuval Wigderson, Editorial Associates, Brenda Boerger Florian Breit Bethany Carlson Madalena Cruz-Ferreira Vincent Fish Anita G. Gorman Beth Martyn Bill Spruiell Don Unger Sheri Wells-Jensen, Joey Whitford, Comptroller General Oh the Humanities! December 2017 ... more ]



4. Linguimericks, Etc.Book ४६ (201 visits)

Linguimericks, Etc. Book ४६. A linguist with ethics quite crippled Taught shirtless, chest ripped and not dimpled. And his accentless French Gave young women a wrench, So enrollment in his class quadrupled —Hester Fester-Münsterfenster, Urging linguists to chase academia When the job market’s suff’ring anemia— It may seem a bit cruel, But it fills the grad schools— And they always find jobs in print media! —α-Betty Abū Gida, Some disciplines’ students, all agogs, Must be herded like cats or wild dogs, But in linguistics, I fear, They just sit far or near And stare like a field of stone frogs ... more ]



5. Special Supplemental Letter from the Editor (186 visits)

Special Supplemental Letter from the Editor. The age of innocence has come to an end: You are stranger in a strange landa linguist in an English department. A brave new world, it is, but you find yourself in a catch-22. While obviously not a native son,* you don’t really want to admit to being the stranger that you are. Do you endure one hundred years of solitude, known as a misanthrope and forever among the outsiders, or do you jump straight to the heart of the matter and ask for guidance from your colleagues? A fine balance must be struck, lest your reputation be reduced to a handful of dust, or, ostracized, you become an invisible man;** your career become an American tragedy, the ... more ]



6. About Us (174 visits)

Speculative Grammarian and SpecGram.com. Our Story. The august journal Speculative Grammarian has a long, rich, and varied history, weaving an intricate and subtle tapestry from disparate strands of linguistics, philology, history, politics, science, technology, botany, pharmacokinetics, computer science, the mathematics of humor, basket weaving, archery, glass blowing, roller coaster design, and bowling, among numerous other, less obvious fields. SpecGram, as it is known to devotees and sworn enemies alike, has for centuries sought to bring together the greatest yet least understood minds of the time, embedding itself firmly in the cultural and psychological matrix of the global society while ... more ] Podcast!



7. Cartoon Theories of LinguisticsPart EPhonetics vs. PhonologyHilário Parenchyma, C.Phil. (173 visits)

Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, Part E—Phonetics vs. Phonology. Hilário Parenchyma, C.Phil. Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn. We will skip the introduction, as we have been there, done that. Once more into the breach! For this installment in our series on Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, we will turn our attention to Phonetics and Phonology and the difference between the two: Phonetics:, ... Phonology:, ... Thanks to Professor Phlogiston, of the Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn, for the opportunity of a lifetime, as a student, to, on this occasion, share with so many of my fellow linguisticians my views, as illustrated above, concerning matters, which are of such immeasurable import ... more ] Merch! Book!



8. Archives (168 visits)

SpecGram Archives. A word from our Senior Archivist, Holger Delbrück: While bringing aging media to the web and hence the world is truly a labor of love, SpecGram tries the passion of even the most ardent admirer. Needless to say, we’ve fallen behind schedule. At every turn, the authors found in the pages of this hallowed journal stretch credibility with their gratuitous font mongeringfirst it was the IPA, then a few non-standard transcription systems, then Greek, and not just the alphabet, but the entire diacritical mess, and now I’ve got some god-forsaken Old Church Slavonic glyph sitting on my desk that no one can even name, and which would give the Unicode Consortium ... more ]



9. That Tenured ManFound among the papers of Dr. Theodor Geisel by Sheri Wells-Jensen (161 visits)

That Tenured Man. Found among the papers of Dr. Theodor Geisel by Sheri Wells-Jensen. This recently-discovered document may explain how and why Dr. Geisel transitioned from a promising career in academia to successful employment as a writer of medium-length rhymed verse. It is additionally hypothesized that this early, unfinished manuscript may have been revised and incorporated into another, slightly lengthier, narrative later in his professional life. That Tenured Man! That Tenured Man! I do not like that Tenured Man. Do you have a research plan?, I do not have one, Tenured Man. I do not have a research plan. Could you write one here or there?, I cannot write one here or there. I cannot write one anywhere. ... more ]



10. Linguistics 101 Course SyllabusFall 2097University of Coastal Florida, Orlando Island Campus (155 visits)

Linguistics 101 Course Syllabus, Fall 2097. University of Coastal Florida, Orlando Island Campus. Instructor Information Prof. Fleednorb, Room ω2, 3x108 Miett Rsprs Ekkont Hall, fleednorb4@ucf-oic.DiplomaMill TA: Anita Eet, Room 1/∞ Grad Student Detention Center 7 of 9, ą.ēḛʈ @ucf-oic.DiplomaMill Class Time and Location 1:37–3:03 p.m. M-F Rm B5, Bldg 42, Xenolinguistics Quad Office Hours 0:01–0:42 a.m. on the fifth Friday of each month (except in November, when the fifth Friday is a holiday) Communications All personal interactions shall take place in English, as it is painful for Prof. Fleednorb to listen to humans trying to pronounce ... more ]



11. The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics (154 visits)

The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics . For decades, Speculative Grammarian has been the premier scholarly journal featuring research in the neglected field of satirical linguisticsand now it is available in book formboth physical and electronic! We wish we were kidding, but no, seriously, we’ve published a large collection of SpecGram articles, along with just enough new material to force obsessive collectors and fans to buy it, regardless of the cost. From the Introduction: The past twenty-five years have witnessed many changes in linguistics, with major developments in linguistic theory, significant expansion in language description, and even ... more ]



12. Merchandise (146 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Merchandise. Introduction. In order to lend a hand to our good friends and steadfast supporters over at the Linguist List during their 2006 fund drive, we prepared a small selection of limited issue SpecGram merchandise, including T-shirts, stickers and magnets. Originally these items were only available as prizes awarded as part of the Linguist List fund drive. In 2012, several of the SpecGram editors suffered from a rare form of collective frontal lobe damage, which made it seem like a good idea to put together a SpecGram book. The result was The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics. ... Discussion. As a result of initial positive feedback, ... more ]



13. Letters to the Editor (CLXXX.2) (144 visits)

Letters to the Editor. Dear SpecGram, I’m writing to thank you for introducing me to the nasal-ingressive voiceless velar trill and its symbol, the double-dot wide-O. It has been a great boon in my phonetics class. The final exam in my class is a practicum in which students have to pronounce various sounds, most of which have been covered in class. In what started as a kind of secret experiment, we have the students wait at least five minutes before their exam in a room with “nasal-ingressive voiceless velar trill” and “double-dot wide-O” written on the white board. Any student that makes a pig snort automatically gets an A on the final exam. If they laugh afterward, an A+. ... more ]



14. Teaching Historical Linguistics: A Program of Much-Needed ReformLea Kim Shopmont (141 visits)

Teaching Historical Linguistics: A Program of Much-Needed Reform. by Lea Kim Shopmont, Assistant Professor of Communication, Ancilla College, Indiana. Linguistics is a branch of the humanities that prides itself on its scientific character in much the same way as phrenology, astrology, and eugenics did. Perhaps the most pernicious branch of linguistics is historical linguistics, which, regardless of its protestations of studying the history of any language, in fact concerns itself for the most part with dead white male speakers of the ludicrously misnamed “Indo-European” family of languageseven by its own testimony, neither all Europeans nor all Indians speak these languages, and thus ... more ]



15. Selections from Linguistics is Kind and The Binary Riders and Other LinesFound among the papers of Stephen Crane by Keith Slater (128 visits)

Selections from Linguistics is Kind and The Binary Riders and Other Lines . Found among the papers of Stephen Crane by Keith Slater. Instead of dosing you, dear readers, with yet another prescription of our own editorial musings, we are pleased to introduce this, the second of our issues devoted to the topic of teaching linguistics, with a relevant collection of poems that recently came to our notice. These we present for your edification without further comment. I I met a linguist marking an awful student paper; Red upon red she slashed. I was disturbed at this; I accosted the teacher. “It is futile,” I said, “You can never—” “You lie,” she cried, And wrote on. II A linguist ... more ]



16. Conference Report: Educational Technology in the Linguistics Classroom (125 visits)

Conference Report: Educational Technology in the Linguistics Classroom. The 2017 Annual Meetings of the International Linguistics Society in Utrecht were wholly devoted to a symposium on the topic of Educational Technology in the Linguistics Classroom. Over 422 Linguistics educators attended the symposium, outstripping the previous attendance record of 12 by a wide margin. Indeed, participants reported that their respective institutions fairly fell over themselves with enthusiasm in providing funding for their participation, even if they did not submit papers. The symposium organizers originally signed a contract with John Benjamouton, who agreed to publish the conference proceedings as a standalone volume, in electronic edition ... more ]



17. The Logic of Teaching LinguisticsUlfheðnar ber Sarkur (121 visits)

The Logic of Teaching Linguistics. Ulfheðnar ber Sarkur. Universally acclaimed, R.I.C.E.* is an intergalactic university that prides itself on its diversity of students, faculty, and curriculum. In the Linguistics department, there are six professors teaching introductory courses this semester: ELIZA, a female artificial intelligence; Fryggyn’ a female mythical being; HAL, a male artificial intelligence; Slagathor, a female human; Θωθ a male mythical being; and 与乙凡十巨尺 a male human. The courses they teach are Phonetics, Phonology, Morphology, Syntax, Xeno Ling, and Comp Ling, with each ... more ]



18. Rosetta SteinGerman Language Delivery SystemAdvertisement (117 visits)

ADVERTISEMENT Rosetta Stein, German Language Delivery System. Learn German the most natural way: by drinking beer! ... Beer is not included. The Rosetta Stein program provides the motivation you need to learn German. The next lesson is always just a Stein away: our patented Lehrnen Stein reveals a new lesson each time you drain it dry. Ready for Lesson 3? Bottoms up! Rosetta Stein is available in premium (shown) or basic versions. Both provide the motivation you need to learn German like a native. Rosetta Stein , ... more ]



19. Proper Phonetic Pedagogy: Field Notes from a Laboratory ScienceJacob Bartholomew Pine (115 visits)

Proper Phonetic Pedagogy: Field Notes from a Laboratory Science. by Jacob Bartholomew Pine, Professor of Acoustic and Instrumental Phonetics, New University of Southern North Carolina. As Introductory Graduate Phonetics is my favorite class to teach, I was overjoyed to receive this journal’s summons to share the fruit of my many years of experience training the minds of the next generation of linguists. My first piece of advice is to pay close attention to the students in attendance. For example, Introductory Undergraduate Phonetics is a far different beast to the graduate course; in that course I have found it useful to restrict myself to slinkys, pipes, and violins until after the refund deadline, whereas with ... more ]



20. Podcast—Language Made Difficult, Vol. L (108 visits)

Language Made Difficult, Vol. L — The SpecGram LingNerds are on their own this time. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss the dangers of mispronouncing the names of Canadian provinces, and then advise students as to what they should *not* do. They also fail to celebrate the 50th episode. Many outtakes are provided. ... listen ]



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Last updated Dec. 12, 2017.