Most Popular Pages—Last 7 Days

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1. “Double-Dot Wide O / Nasal-Ingressive Voiceless Velar Trill”by J–––– J––––––Reviewed by Jonathan van der Meer (89 visits)

“Double-Dot Wide O / Nasal-Ingressive Voiceless Velar Trill” by J–––– J––––––. From Speculative Grammarian CLI.3; July 2006. Reviewed by Jonathan van der Meer. ... Double-Dot Wide O, Spoiler Alert !. It’s been more than eight years, so I’m going to go ahead and let you in on a little secret: the nasal-ingressive voiceless velar trill is a pig snort, and the double-dot wide O looks like a pig snout. (Some phoneticians will argue that they themselves produce a uvular trill. They probably doespecially when reading journals less interesting than SpecGrambut ... more ]

2. Rock, Paper, Scissors, Computational Linguist, Nasal-Ingressive Voiceless Velar Trill, ChomskyA Not-Quite-New Game for Every LinguistPhlange Kadigan (57 visits)

Rock, Paper, Scissors, Computational Linguist, Nasal-Ingressive Voiceless Velar Trill, Chomsky, A Not-Quite-New Game for Every Linguist. by Phlange Kadigan, Linguistic Gamesman Extraordinaire. With the introduction in 2009 of my novel and exciting variant of Rochambeau, “Rock, Paper, Scissors, Computational Linguist, Nasal-Ingressive Voiceless Velar Trill, Chomsky,” I expected the game to spread like wildfire and lead to a new era of “Rochambeau 2.0” throughout Linguistics Land. Alas and alack, that has not been the case to date. I am not without hope, however. Having recently completed a very expensive series of Master Class Seminars on “Contagion-Based ... more ]

3. Extremist LinguisticsDennis Dossier (50 visits)

Extremist Linguistics. Dennis Dossier, Professor of Political History in Linguistics, The Δίς Λεγόμενον Centre for Endeepened Ideation. After enduring decades of the terrible tyranny of Chomskyan syntacticocentrism (as the United Nations once branded it) which launched itself on the world in 1957, syntagmophiles around the world breathed easier and easier through the 1990s as the combined power of George Lakoff’s treatment of There, there: don’t worry about it and Fillmore’s analysis of the Leave me alone construction pulled the head and then body of the Cognitive Construction Grammar baby through the birth canal of data out ... more ]

4. Reasons Not to Study LinguisticsPart IVDyspepsia Prater and Cynnie Sizzum (50 visits)

Reasons Not to Study Linguistics Part IV. Compiled by Dyspepsia Prater and Cynnie Sizzum, X. Quizzit Korps Center for Advanced Collaborative Studies. Linguists, generally, try to encourage others’ interest in their field with enticements such as, “linguistics helps us understand the human condition” “every language provides a unique view of the mind” “linguistics empowers people” “you can work in translation, interpreting, foreign language teaching, the tech industry, fieldwork, etc.” Blah, blah, blah. You see, no matter how exciting a field seems, there’s someone out there who is sick and tired of putting up with it. Rather than promise nothing but ... more ]

5. Vol CLXXXVI, No 3 (46 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Volume CLXXXVI, Number 3 Trey Jones, Editor-in-Chief; Keith Slater, Executive Editor; Mikael Thompson, Senior Editor; Jonathan Downie, Senior Editor, Pete Bleackley, Contributing Editor; Associate Editors: Mark Mandel, Deak Kirkham; Assistant Editors: Emily Davis, Vincent Fish, Yuval Wigderson; Editorial Associates: Steve Politzer-Ahles, Mary Shapiro, Megan Stevens, Daniel Swanson, Sheri Wells-Jensen; Joey Whitford, Comptroller General; Linguistics: The Cumin of the Academy; January 2020 ... more ]

6. The SpecGram Linguistic Advice Collective (42 visits)

The SpecGram Linguistic Advice Collective. Are you in a world of linguistic hurt? The SpecGram Linguistic Advice Collective (SLAC) will offer you empirical, empathic, emphatic advice you can use!* Remember, if you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, then you don’t need advice! So, if you need advice, trust usand cut yourself some SLAC! ... Dear SLAC, I am not an aficionado of sportsball or related activities, but I do not wish to seem entirely unschooled in the art of sports-related smalltalk, so I am seeking your advice on how to properly use the term “hat trick” without seeming like I’m trying too hard. I know that, ... more ]

7. Vol CLIII, No 3 (38 visits)

SPECULATIVE GRAMMARIAN, Volume CLIII, Number 3; January 2008, Speculative Grammarian, Vol CLIII, No 3, e + 1 = 0, MANAGING EDITOR, Trey Jones, SENIOR EDITOR, Keith Slater, EDITOR EMERITUS, Tim Pulju, ASSOCIATE EDITORS: Adam Baker, Chris Brew, Martin Hilpert, Kean Kaufmann, Ken Miner, Tel Monks, Peter Racz, David J. Peterson, Freya Shipley, Bill Spruiell, Mikael Thompson, Tom Weller, Joey Whitford, ... more ]

8. An Introduction to Linguistics in Haiku FormAnonymous (37 visits)

An Introduction to, Linguistics in Haiku Form. Anonymous. linguistic theory, hidden representations, to surface structures phonology is, sound patterns of languages, phonemes, allophones phonetics is sounds, articulation of them, acoustics, hearing comp. linguistics is, theory into efficient, implementation morphology is, if same structure, same meaning, then it’s a morpheme syntactic theory, blah blah chomsky chomsky blah, blah chomsky blah blah ... more ] Podcast! Book!

9. Cartoon Theories of LinguisticsPart EPhonetics vs. PhonologyHilário Parenchyma, C.Phil. (30 visits)

Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, Part E—Phonetics vs. Phonology. Hilário Parenchyma, C.Phil. Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn. We will skip the introduction, as we have been there, done that. Once more into the breach! For this installment in our series on Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, we will turn our attention to Phonetics and Phonology and the difference between the two: Phonetics:, ... Phonology:, ... Thanks to Professor Phlogiston, of the Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn, for the opportunity of a lifetime, as a student, to, on this occasion, share with so many of my fellow linguisticians my views, as illustrated above, concerning matters, which are of such immeasurable import ... more ] Merch! Book!

10. What is a Morphome?David J. Peterson (28 visits)

What is a Morphome?. By David J. Peterson, Consulting Editor of Speculative Grammarian. Hi! This is Consulting Editor David J. Peterson. You know, we have a lot of fun here at Speculative Grammarian, but in devoting an entire issue to the controversial yet provocative term “morphome” we felt it was important to include a straightforward, down-to-Earth explanation of exactly what a “morphome” is. We knew there was bound to be confusion, so we felt it would be a good idea to just head all of it off at the pass, and include this piece right at the beginning of the issue. So! If you don’t know what a morphome is, or if you feel you do but still have questions, read the article ... more ] Book!

11. About Us (28 visits)

Speculative Grammarian and Our Story. The august journal Speculative Grammarian has a long, rich, and varied history, weaving an intricate and subtle tapestry from disparate strands of linguistics, philology, history, politics, science, technology, botany, pharmacokinetics, computer science, the mathematics of humor, basket weaving, archery, glass blowing, roller coaster design, and bowling, among numerous other, less obvious fields. SpecGram, as it is known to devotees and sworn enemies alike, has for centuries sought to bring together the greatest yet least understood minds of the time, embedding itself firmly in the cultural and psychological matrix of the global society while ... more ] Podcast!

12. Archives (28 visits)

SpecGram Archives. A word from our Senior Archivist, Holger Delbrück: While bringing aging media to the web and hence the world is truly a labor of love, SpecGram tries the passion of even the most ardent admirer. Needless to say, we’ve fallen behind schedule. At every turn, the authors found in the pages of this hallowed journal stretch credibility with their gratuitous font mongeringfirst it was the IPA, then a few non-standard transcription systems, then Greek, and not just the alphabet, but the entire diacritical mess, and now I’ve got some god-forsaken Old Church Slavonic glyph sitting on my desk that no one can even name, and which would give the Unicode Consortium ... more ]

13. Quipley’s Don’t Believe It! ... Or Do? (26 visits)

Quipley’s Don’t Believe It! ... Or Do? Frank isn’t the only Quipley who finds himself on adventures of dubious credibility. His nephew Josh reports on a surprising discovery from his recent trip to The Netherlands. Josh Quipley just returned from Amsterdam. While the primary purpose of his visit was research into Dutch coffee,1 he also conducted inquiries into the Dutch language. It turns out that this is easier said than done, because, for the most part, the Dutch have stopped speaking Dutch! On his entire trip, which comprised Schiphol2 Airport to downtown Amsterdam and back, Josh heard almost no Dutch whatsoever. In every spoken interaction he had, the locals spoke a flawless ... more ]

14. Choose Your Own Career in Linguistics (26 visits)

Choose Your Own Career in Linguistics. by Trey Jones. As a service to our young and impressionable readers who are considering pursuing a career in linguistics, Speculative Grammarian is pleased to provide the following Gedankenexperiment to help you understand the possibilities and consequences of doing so. For our old and bitter readers who are too far along in their careers to have any real hope of changing the eventual outcome, we provide the following as a cruel reminder of what might have been. Let the adventure begin ... more ] Book!

15. Speculative Grammarian International Academic and Very Clever Professorial International Linguistics Conference 2020UPDATE (21 visits)

Speculative Grammarian International Academic and Very Clever Professorial International Linguistics Conference 2020 UPDATE. University of New Atlantis, 31st–35th; February 2020. There have been a surprising number of early registrants for the SpecGram 2020 conference following our announcement in last month’s issue of SpecGram. The specific number of registrants, eπ/2 + 1, is surprising because it is irrational. Of course, many linguists in general and SpecGram devotees in particular are irrationalbut we never expected an irrational number of them to register. Would that be paucal or plural? Subsequent to the revelation ... more ]

16. The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics (19 visits)

The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics . For decades, Speculative Grammarian has been the premier scholarly journal featuring research in the neglected field of satirical linguisticsand now it is available in book formboth physical and electronic! We wish we were kidding, but no, seriously, we’ve published a large collection of SpecGram articles, along with just enough new material to force obsessive collectors and fans to buy it, regardless of the cost. From the Introduction: The past twenty-five years have witnessed many changes in linguistics, with major developments in linguistic theory, significant expansion in language description, and even ... more ]

17. It Was a Dark and Stormy Noun...1985 EditionThe SpecGram Puzzle Elves™ (18 visits)

It Was a Dark and Stormy Noun... 1985 Edition. The SpecGram Puzzle Elves™. Some of our more, ahem, mature readers may remember that back in the mid-80’s Speculative Grammarian ran an annual Bulwer-Lytton-style contest, asking readers to submit the worst possible opening sentence for a linguistically-themed book. In fact, some of those same readers may have submitted entries, and may still be wondering whether or not they won. Sorry about that. The contest entries were in fact judged by the editorial board, but a dispute between Pulju (a Givónian functionalist) and Slater (a Lasnikian generativist) turned uncivil and the winners were never announced. In the meantime, ... more ]

18. Why Linguistics is Not a ScienceThe SpecGram Editorial Board (18 visits)

Why Linguistics is Not a Science. The SpecGram Editorial Board. In a couple of recent editorials we have answered several of the questions most frequently submitted by SpecGram readers. Since the publication of those editorials, by far the most common question received in our offices has been, “Could please furnish us with your bank account number so we can transfer payment to you?” We cannot in good conscience accede to this request, as it violates a number of constraints and therefore suffers from what we like to call “fatal infelicity.” Another frequent question, though, is more worthy of our attention, (though only due to its being fifth on the frequency list) and it is to that more ... more ]

19. A Love/Hate Relationship: Pesky AntonymsJessie Sams (17 visits)

A Love/Hate Relationship: Pesky Antonyms. Jessie Sams, Stephen F. Austin State University. When students get to college, the majority of them have never thought about antonyms as being anything more than “opposites.” So big is the opposite of small, just like buyer is the opposite of seller. Then, all of a sudden, students are forced into a linguistics course with a professor who tells them that they have to learn to differentiate among different types of antonyms. Student’s minds are nearly exploding with information as they have to learn definitions of terms like ‘converse’ and ‘gradable’ and ‘complementary’ in the world of ... more ]

20. Mix & Match #Max & Mitch Ninelette (17 visits)

Mix & Match #. by Max & Mitch Ninelette. The goal of this Mix & Match puzzle is to reconstitute a set of nine 9-letter words that have each had two quadgrams removed. Below are two separate puzzles. Each includes a table to fill out and a set of quadgrams with which to fill it up. Using each quadgram once, fill the blanks in the table to form various nine-letter words. When you are done, three additional words will be revealed in the vertical direction for each puzzle. If you think you’ve figured out all the answersthat’s 24 nine-letter words!submit your solution to the editors of SpecGram by January 15, 2020, and you could win a prize. Solutions and winners will ... more ]

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Last updated Jan. 24, 2020.