Speculative Grammarian Merchandise


In order to lend a hand to our good friends and steadfast supporters over at the Linguist List during their 2006 fund drive, we prepared a small selection of limited issue SpecGram merchandise, including T-shirts, stickers and magnets. Originally these items were only available as prizes awarded as part of the Linguist List fund drive.

The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics In 2012, several of the SpecGram editors suffered from a rare form of collective frontal lobe damage, which made it seem like a good idea to put together a SpecGram book. The result was The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics.


As a result of initial positive feedback, we’ve expanded the range of available products to include sweatshirts, hoodies1, coffee mugs, mouse pads, tote bags, and even boxers and thongs.2

In contrast, despite a lack of any feedback whatsoever, we’ve decided to unleash The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics on an unsuspecting and ill-prepared world.

Some Example Data

Click on the image at right to be taken to the CreateSpace8 page where you can read more about and purchase The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics.

Or, if you haven’t quite convinced yourself to buy the book and you’d like to learn more about the book, you can visit our web page provided for that purpose.

Further Example Data

Click on any of the images below to be taken to a CafePress5 page where you can browse and purchase items of interest with the images and taglines depicted below. You may freely return to this page from the CafePress website in order to browse additional items in a different style. Items from multiple CafePress “stores” may be purchased at once6 when your browsing is complete.



G.U.I.L.T.y PleasuresA Complete and Comprehensive Theory
of Language, Linguistics, and Everything
” SpecGram CLXV.3

Orthographic Revolution!:
Orthographic Revolution! Orthographic Revolution!

English Writing System ReformAn Immodest Proposal,” SpecGram CLXV.4

Anglomorphic Cuneiform:
Anglomorphic Cuneiform Anglomorphic Cuneiform T-Shirt

Why Princes are not Scribes, and the Rat Eats Grain,” SpecGram CLXIV.λ
Anglomorphic Cuneiform,” SpecGram CLXIV.3
Anglomorphic Cuneiform and Puzzle Solution,” SpecGram CLXIV.4

The Best Lx Bands Evar!!
SpecGram Suzie:
The Best Lx Bands Evar!!

The Best Lx Bands Evar!!” SpecGram CLXIV.1
SpecGram Suzie

SpecGram Suzie,” SpecGram CLIII.4

Don't Phrase Me, Bro! Don't Phrase Me, Bro!

Don’t Phrase Me, Bro!

Cartoon Theories of Linguistics:
Gricean Quality   Gricean Relation

Cartoon Theories of LinguisticsPart 14Gricean Implicature,” SpecGram CLV.2

Polysynthetic   More magnets:

Cartoon Theories of LinguisticsPart 3Morphological Typology,” SpecGram CLII.3

Phonetics: Phonetics vs Phonology   Phonology: Phonetics vs Phonology

Cartoon Theories of LinguisticsPart EPhonetics vs. Phonology,” SpecGram CLIII.1



Cartoon Theories of LinguisticsPart жThe Trouble with NLP,” SpecGram CLIII.4

Famous SpecGram Images:
Ainu topology/typology

Linguistic Topology,” SpecGram CL.2

  Stratificational Macaroni and Cheese

A Stratificational Approach to Making Macaroni and Cheese,” PsQ XVI.1

Famous SpecGram Taglines:
All your morpheme are belong to us!

SpecGram Volume CXLIX, No. 1

Linguizzle fo' Shizzle

SpecGram Volume CXLIX, No. 2

Stupid Phonetics Tricks:
Will perform nasal-ingressive voiceless velar trills for food. (I'm a trained linguist, don't try this at home.) Support adding 'double-dot wide-o' to the IPA. [Nasal ingressive voiceless velar trills are cool.]
Read more about “double-dot wide-o”...

A Timeless Classic:

Speculative Grammarian. The premier journal of satirical linguistics.


Now you can proudly display your allegiance to Speculative Grammarian to the world with a SpecGram T-shirt, book, coffee mug, or mouse pad. Confuse your colleagues. Flabbergast your friends. Enfeeble your enemies. All will7 bow before you once they realize the full magnitude of your loyalty to SpecGram.

So that we may gather more data and further our research in this area, we ask that you please send your comments and suggestions to us.


1 Research into the exact nature of hoodies is still ongoing. An initial analysis of the data indicates they may be underlyingly sweatshirts, which have become [+hood, +zipper] as a result of an optional MakeTrendy transformation.

2 “Research” that can only be described as “non-scientific,”3 which was undertaken by our newly formed and not entirely trusted marketing department, indicates that so-called “intimate apparel” is a “hot property” at the current time. We are attempting to cross-validate this determination by applying advanced socio-linguistic analysis techniques, but the data is somewhat recalcitrant. Should we determine that the reputation of our illustrious institution is in any way impugned by offering this type of merchandise,4 we will retract it and hoist the marketing department by their collective petard.

3 And being social scientists, you know our standards here are pretty low.

4 The “double-dot wide-o” thongs are particularly troublesome, thoughdespite significant introspectionit is difficult to say exactly why.

5 CafePress.com is a trusted third-party website that produces and ships all SpecGram non-book merchandise.

6 Purchasing items from multiple “stores” at once is a clever way to save on shipping charges, which is generally very important to nearly starving grad students.

7 The word will is used in this context with the usual polysemy found in the Standard Marketing Disclaimers Apply sociolect of English. Other meanings may include but are not limited to may, are not likely to, and most certainly will not, as appropriate. Your mileage may vary. Not all products are suitable for all uses. Some products may not be suitable for any uses (see note 4). Nothing in life is guaranteed.

8 CreateSpace is a trusted print-on-demand third-party website that produces and ships all SpecGram book merchandise.9

9 Yes, the footnotes are out of order. Footnote maintenance is hard work, and we’re tired from creating so much cool stuff for you to acquire and/or enjoy.