You are weak, and look for an easier way..
You hear through the grapevine that Town George College has a fairly easy Comp Ling program, so you transfer there. Turns out that it is pretty easy, and you sail through to your Ph.D. in 3 years.
Problem is, everyone else knows it is a weak school, too, and no one—no one—will talk to you about a job. With $250,000 in student loans, you take the only job anyone will give you.
Start your new job.