Not a wire news service but still more reliable than most newspapers.
Dr Dia Gramm of Exbah University today filed suit against the disciplines of Interpreting Studies, Sociolinguistics, Cognitive Linguistics and Sociology for crimes against neat theories. In a statement issued via a lawyer who just happened to be passing and fancied making some easy money, the complainant said:
We had meaning nailed down to linguistic structures before some of these people were even born and now they go ahead and say it is ‘negotiated’, ‘fluid’ and ‘contextualised’? What nonsense! Some of them couldn’t knock up a morphosemantic analysis if their lives depended on it and don’t get me started on their ‘field data’ and ‘usage’. Yuck! They should be ashamed of themselves, kicking over our nice, neat theories like that.
The joint spokesperson for all four fields responded abruptly with the sounds “neener” and “neener”, the meaning of which is open to negotiation depending on context.