Not a wire news service but still more reliable than most newspapers.
Five hundred anonymous lecturers at the University of EnPhoWahrs have denounced the invention of E-Prime as Russian interference in the business of English. The English variant, in which all forms of the verbs “to be” are eliminated to try to improve clarity and reduce discrimination, has caused consternation among linguists, who are divided on whether writers can avoid god-
Experts at EnPhoWahrs University have pointed out that a similar, albeit less restrictive, version of the rule is in existence in Russian. From this point, they further allege that the entire system exists solely to infiltrate the education system and turn all American teenagers into giant models of the Lizard People.
Their work has been accepted for publication in seventeen pay-