I generally find your limericks dry, unfunny, and pointless. However, the most recent scribbling from P. U. Meign was a particular stinker because it was also ungrammatical. He just lays there and groans? What is he laying down while groaning? Clearly, the correct form for Standard English
Charges of prescriptivism against me de damned!
Ē. Plūribus Χάος, Þн.δ.
Dear Wile Ē.,
Several members of the SpecGram editorial and poetical staff feel like they can rightfully levy charges of baseless prescriptivism against you, for they are members of a cult
The regular stipend from the Γραμματο-
I am outraged.
I have carefully researched the regulations governing prizes, giveaways, and sweepstakes in the jurisdictions listed (or shall I say “alleged”) in the cover of print copies of The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistic Inanity (final word mine), which is the only suggestion I can find as to where your gang may be hiding out. In each and every one of those regions, you are required by strict laws to announce the terms of any giveaway prior to announcing the winner.
As no such notice was given for the giveaway announced in your editorial in the previous issue, I am filing suit in each of the aforealludedto jurisdictions.
You will be hearing from my lawyer immediately. Meanwhile, I demand that you cancel my subscription forthwith.
Lila Put, Ph.D.
Doctor of Linguistic Endocrinology
University of California, San Francisco
Your lawyer doesn’t scare us. But let us just say that since you adopt a combative tone rather than asking nicely, it’s you that suffers, not us. If you’d made a polite request, we probably would have sent you a prize, too.
Speculative Grammarian accepts well-
Most Ignoble Editors and Most Duped Readers,
You recently accepted advertising copy submitted by Gillette for their product Occam’s Safety Razor™. All well and good
However, you’ve done the Wider Academic Public a grave disservice by not requiring full disclosure by the advertiser. Please inform your readers forthwith that the Occam’s Safety Razor™ model advertised in your pages is suitable only for Linguists. I lent mine to an Anthropologist friend, and not only did all her emics become etics, but nearly half of the “technical terms” in her latest conference paper were replaced with plain English equivalents. I personally thought it improved her work considerably, but she was laughed out of the conference and subsequently denied tenure.
Readers, please ensure that the model of Occam’s Safety Razor™ you purchase is the one intended for your discipline. What’s “simple” for someone else might be fatal for you. And absolutely never lend those things exogamously.
Bruce “Bruce” Bogart,
PhD (of Linguistics)
University of Bogartsville, NSW
We are surprised that you actually think that we take responsibility for anything. Responsibility is, after all, a proto-
In a recent issue, some sub-
[Note: We decided to let the
eggheads fine scholars from TABLC answer this one for themselves. The answer below in no way reflects the views of Speculative Grammarian or its Editorial Board, lesser editors, leastest interns, greatest lawyers, other contributors, or readers. Not even the ones who agree. —Eds.]
I’ll resist the temptation to reply simply *Go, *go *away, and address the substance of your
pernickety hair- fascinating observation. As for the variants *H/h, following O’Mwulez and Qatotheron’s (2016) iconicity thesis (you’ll recall their enlightening presentation at the Lubbock, Texas, PIE conference entitled ‘Towards an iconic representation of PIE phonemes’) the former denotes a voiceless pharyngeal when articulated with both hands in the air, the latter with only the right hand in the air. (We’re still working on the icon for the left-
*Hope *that’s *okay
(pianist (and linguist))