In Europe and Africa too
English is rising, it’s true
It’s a real lingua franca
A commercial anchor
But in Britain, fake news is L2.
—Col. O. Nihilist
Now there was a linguist named Jones,
Who could pronounce quite clearly all phones.
But he wore out his pharynx,
His tonsils, and larynx,
And now he just lays there and groans.
—P. Ublekkdeaux Meign
A linguist went out on a bender
And wrapped round a lamppost his fender.
The cops asked him why,
He replied, “You just try
Explaining that sex isn’t gender.”
—Pete Bleackley
Now They’re Killing Grammatical Distinctions
Of our language they’re making a mess—
No distinctions ’twixt fewer and less,
Or for number ’n’ amount,
Nor aught else mass v. count.
Just more o’ that millennial excess!
—Sir Krotchet E. Auld-Boomah
Order of the Knights Against Avocado Toast
God’s Truth in Grammar
Their ipse dixit verbisms show
Prescriptivism’s all the rage,
But as they bandy to and fro
Their ipse dixit verbisms, show
Agreement fades and schisms grow;
And strifes that spread when they engage
Their ipse dixit verbisms show
Prescriptivism’s all the rage.
—Pumptilian Perniquity
