New Etymology Proposed for
by Ruthlessly Roving Reporter Miss Deakina Andrea Kirkhamia
In what promises to be a groundbreaking research programme, the University of the Wilds of Scotland has proposed a new etymology for the putative ancestor of many of Europe’s and South Asia’s languages. Known as Proto-Indo-European (PIE), the choice of this term was originally considered to be a compound noun consisting of the Indo- first component and the European second component, prefixed with the Greek-derived proto- meaning ‘first’. Professor McDougal of UWOS believes instead that “the term PIE as in ‘Proto-Indo-European’ derives from the common practice of the communities eating pie. The so-called Proto-Indo-Europeans ate lots of pie, pork pie, veg pie and even steak and onion pie. It’s an error to think that the term PIE means anything other than this.” This well-argued, empirically grounded and argumentationally watertight conclusion overcomes two longstanding problems with the term Proto-Indo-European, namely: 1) it’s not proto, it’s just the furthest back linguists feel they can go; and 2) the euro-centric formulation Indo-European which has the European element as the head, thus offending everyone.