Xerus & Ratufa
Xerus & Ratufa, mongers of the better sort of product for the better sort of scholar, are pleased to announce that they have joined with Han-d’Ouéviemme Enterprises LLC as the exclusive American distributor of their latest interactive computerized game. The interactive electronic gaming world was taken by storm in 2005 by Guitar Hero, and in its wake a number of interactive musico-kinesthetic programs were released, Trombone Boxer, Drum-Esthetica, Horn Scrum, and Violist Chase chief among them. Who can forget the thrill of going one-on-one with the greatest boxers of history while playing the greatest concertos in the trombone repertoire, or ducking through the greatest line-up of rugby players to carry your horn under your arm into the in-goal while playing Weber’s Horn Concertino, or running a mad dash through the city streets to escape crowds of enraged cat lovers as you taunt them by playing Hindemith’s Der Schwanendreher? However, none were as beloved by parents and neighbors as Air Guitar Hero, which paved the way for the outstanding success in certain national markets of Air Conducting Hero.
Han-d’Ouéviemme Enterprises were inspired by the success of Air Conducting Hero, not only in revitalizing the somnolent, nay, deathbed condition of classical music in modern society, but even more by its adoption by physical therapists to treat upper-body disorders and general weakness of the upper limbs. Realizing that other fields practiced just as impressive a regimen of upper limb exercises, Han-d’Ouéviemme Enterprises decided to go straight to the pinnacle of disciplines requiring great skill in waving one’s hands, and Xerus & Ratufa are pleased to join them in their release of Phonology Hero. An ideal gift for any student planning to major in linguistics and especially suited to those more prone to abstraction, Phonology Hero allows the player to feint and dodge the jabs of critics while juggling feature dependencies, going the distance with strict cyclicity, and escaping havoc during feeding and bleeding time at the zoo. Moreover, Han-d’Ouéviemme Enterprises and Xerus & Ratufa plan to build on the recent success of Gymnastics Hero and Contortionist Hero with Syntax Hero and Optimality Hero, so the better sort of customer is invited to pre-order both of them today!
To order, send $79.99 + $19.99 S/H (cash, money order, or credit card) to:
fənɒlədʒi hɪəroʊ ɔrdərz*
zɪərəs n̩ ratufa
tututu wɛst twɛntiθɜrd strit
nu yɔrk, nu yɔrk
* Orders with poor IPA penmanship may be charged an additional $24.99 transcription surcharge.