Not a wire news service but still more reliable than most newspapers.
Linguist Discovers Alternative Source of Energy at Conference
Dr Willy Orr-Wontee of the University of Lesser Butt-Creek has announced that at he has discovered a fully renewable source of energy available at LSA meetings. In one interaction, where a theorist accidentally walked into a field linguistics presentation, a large-ego collision was recorded generating over 15GWh in hot air, steam and heat from the facial region.
Dr Orr-Wontee set about testing this in a laboratory, exposing theorists to ever-increasing amounts of data until critical mass was achieved. His results show that, while a theorist with a little data is highly dangerous, in controlled conditions, exposure to amounts of data exceeding the threshold of their theory results in both the annihilation of their theory and the spontaneous combustion of their ego. He estimates that, if power plants were to run just on the hot air generated by theorists, they could fulfill all the world’s energy needs with nothing but nominal amounts of coffee and occasional new data.