Dear SpecGram,

The middle voice demonstrates clearly in “On How Middle Voice Should Not Constrain for Syntax” (Volume CLXIX, Number 1, January 2014). My current research benefits!

Dear Mary,

If the article entertains and enlightens, others can entertain and enlighten as well:

• An excellent article on the passive voice was written by Joel Boyd. (Ps.Q. XVI.2)
• Yreka Bakery an article a stunning speech disorder center embedding was caused by described wrote. (SpecGram CLI.2)
• Claude Searsplainpockets wrote-wrote-wrote with astounding eloquence (yeah! yeah! yeah!) about the hyp-hyp-hyperactive voice. (SpecGram CXLVII.4)
• He is Edmundly, C.ly, Gladstone-Chamberlainly; he exists authorly to it; it exists articlely; it exists movingly; it exists adverbially. (SpecGram CLII.γ)

[The recent contribution by Zarfu, “Whinge”, has generated some interesting reader mail, which we present here without further comment. —Eds]

Dear Zarfu,

It’s better read as French.

Dear Thugs:

We recently read your abysmal whinge. The title’s the only good and true thing about it, and you should have vandalized a rather less great work of American poetry, so here, we fixed it for you.

Dear Editors Inc,

I am writing to you today to express a concern and ask for advice. You recently published an article on the nefarious effects of phonology on children. Yet the author did not go far enough.

My children are not only being exposed to such dangerous influences as Portuguese and French but they are already mixing them to create Portench. I am concerned that one of these days, before long they will discover contact linguistics, creoles and Syntactic Structures.

How can I wean them off this dangerous habit before it is too late and they have applied to Rice University to study the syntax of odd and damaging tongues like Esperanto, Dothraki and C++?

Dearest Old St. Nick,

Your children learning Dothraki at Rice is not even nearly the worst of the horrors you are facing. We’re glad you came to us for help. You need it.

For the low price of USD $179.85 per hour, SpecGram Counseling Services is now offering to address problems like yours, even for louts like yourself who don’t take their children’s exposure seriously until it’s nearly too late. Call now, because Counselors are standing by to offer personalized professional services that are guaranteed to make a big difference in your problems, quite likely even solving them.

Do not hesitate, because your children’s linguistic future depends upon your quick action. Save them from your own negligence. Get help before they are exposed to nasal-ingressive voiceless velar trills. Call today!

Dear SpecGram,

Fuller’s “On the Proper Form of Authorial Adjectives” (SpecGram CLXXIX.2) got me thinking about the father of postmodernism and his followers. Jacques’ proper adjective form in English is, of course, Derridan, with the emphasis on the second syllable. N’est-ce pas?

Dear Earle Haley,

Indeed. His followers are thus Derridans and the elite—or those particularly adept among their number—would have the same name as the utterance that was sighed in relief once postmodernism became no longer fashionable: Good Derridans!

P.S.: On the off chance that postmodernism is still fashionable somewhere, please don’t let us know. Our faith in humanity can only take so many hits.