Of course, it is important that a person as important as the “Chief Executive Officer” have a title that sounds appropriately important. But it can be both tiring and tiresome to have to enunciate and/or listen to so many heavy syllables
Naturally, the somewhat lesser beings of the corporate realm also need to have their egos stroked2
Despite these time-
However, no one seems to have properly capitalized on the success of CXO by moving into other sectors; there is much opportunity to leverage the synergies and increase mindshare with a more productive and proactive solution.
Our firm, ExecLingSol, is doing that just now, under our exciting new brand name:
Our first foray into this brave new world is xould, an Executive Modal Verb. Pronounced /xʊd/,4 this powerful ExecModVrb replaces unwieldy5 phrases like “could or should” (xould), or “couldn’t and wouldn’t” (xouldn’t), or even “coulda woulda shoulda” (xoulda).
The savviest of executives can evoke subtle but important shades of meaning with subtle but powerful variations in pronunciation of this powerful and truly revolutionary ExecModVrb:
/ᵏxʊd/ implies more could
/xʷʊd/ implies more would
/xᶴʊd/ implies more should
The truly advanced practitioner6 can powerfully convey even more subtly savvy shades of meaning thusly:
/ᵏxᶴʊd/ implies less would
/ᵏxʷʊd/ implies less should
/xᶴʷʊd/ implies less could
Modeled after the highly successful SpecGram ⅔ Ellipsis™©
For savvy non-
aluminum → aluminˣumarse/ ass → axsaxe/ax → axˣcentre/ center → centrˣcheque/ check → chexcolour/ color → colxrdefence/ defense → defenxedependant/ dependent → dependxntdisc/ disk → disxdoughnut/ donut → doxnutdraught/ draft → draxtenquiry/ inquiry → xnquiryepilogue/ epilog → epilogˣgaol/ jail → xaxlgrey/ gray → grxylikeable/ likable → likˣablemodelled/ modeled → modelˣedmoustache/ mustache → mxstachemum/ mom → mxm8oesophagus/ esophagus → ˣesophagusorientated/ oriented → orientx₂edplough/ plow → ploxprogramme/ program → programˣpyjamas/ pajamas → pxjamassceptic/ skeptic → sxepticsledge/ sled → sledˣsulphur/ sulfur → sulxurtonne/ ton → tonˣtyre/ tire → txreutilise/ utilize → utilixewhilst/ while → whilxyoghurt/ yogurt → yogˣurt
The apolytikionism of satisfactionarily suspensioning the oblivionness of the contagionish suspicion of a gajillion inflexion fashionistas’ opinions on a ganglion-→
The apolytixionism of satisfacxionarily suspenxioning the oblixionness of the contaxionish suspixion of a gajixion inflexion faxionistas’ opixions on a gangxion-
While some may feel that this borders on conspixuous consumpxion, nothing could be further from the truth. A savvy, powerful CXO knows that such luxuries are well-
1 The savvy syllable-
2 You see the same silliness in academic journals: Editor “in-Chief” or “Executive” Editor or “Senior” Editor. Consulting Editor, though
3 While the meaningful orthographic distinction between capitalized specific initials C and O and the lowercase generic and variable placeholder x can be appreciated by the linguistically and typographically inclined, the typical denizen of the executive suite will want to dispense with such niceties and project the power of ALL CAPS.
4 Also available, an expansion pack that allows for /çʊd/-
5 And potentially legally dangerous phrases, too. Officially, ExecLingSol maintains that xould actually has no meaning at all, and any sentence it is in is devoid not only of content, but specifically of legally binding content. That xould help hold off lawsuits!
6 Training is available. You may make an Informative Query™ to ExecLingSol’s Chief Knowledge Officer, receive an Instructive Lesson™ from ExecLingSol’s Chief Learning Officer, or undertake a Spirit Journey™ with ExecLingSol’s Chief Visionary Officer.
7 No euros (€) accepted.
8 This comes up in business discussion more than you’d imagine.
|A Survey of Recent Trends in Philosophical Lexicography
|Mix & Match *
|SpecGram Vol CLXXIV, No 2 Contents|