It is now commonly accepted that St. Alvin was always accompanied by an assistant called Theodorus. Theodorus was a budding philosopher, with interests in Kant, Hegel and innateness in generative grammar. He was however, very rotund and was therefore known as the Deep Fat Friar. As a young monk, St Alvin left his first monastery, where he had taken a vow of silence, to found an order that believed that people were best served by creating attractive paper to put around Christmas gifts. It is for this reason that his autobiography was entitled “From Trappist to Wrappist.”
The members of that order were noted for their unusual style of chant
The Order was to face its first crisis when the head of its Irish operations, a Mr Patrick Donegal, was punched by a Scottish gangster named Nicholas MacDonald. It would be some time before St. Alvin recovered from the shock of the Nick Mac Pat D whack. MacDonald, a speaker of Scots, eventually repented his actions and joined St. Alvin’s order. He was known for often repeating the same monologue to the other monks on the best way to present a completed bundle
As his speed increased, though, the emotion and care fell from his work, and eventually, the lack of hype or articulation in wrappit speech was a well-
After this, St. Alvin devoted himself to working in the monastery’s vegetable garden, but he was unable to achieve organic certification due to his use of lettuce spray. St. Alvin spent so much time in the garden, that he wore a footpath to it. The path became treacherous in the spring rains, and was paved after a horse raced past the garden path fell.
While walking around a nearby village one day, St. Alvin met a man whose job it was to see the earthly possessions of those who had died leaving only baths filled with brightly colored tools and houses decorated with pictures of melting clocks. This man was, of course, a surreal estate agent. St. Alvin got into conversation and realized that the man had an interest in linguistics, especially how the Voynich Manuscript might reveal strategies whereby one might commit acts of wrongdoing and yet still enter paradise. It was clear that the monk was dealing with a sin-
Meanwhile, the monastery’s sea-
This did not stop the practice of cod-
St. Theodorus, meanwhile, was creating resources to help people who worshipped small, fantasy characters with strange ears to leave behind their idolatry. For this reason he is credited as the inventor of the first Elf-
It was translated into Elvish presently, but alas, critics panned the edition, claiming it needed a little less conversation, although noting it would be vivid with less vagueness. Although St. Theodorus generally hid his emotions well, he was always known to hoe the fields when emotionally devastated, and many at the monastery reported seeing his heartbreak hoe-
And, in fact, many monks were very fond of keeping animals, especially those that produced wool. Through selective breeding, they achieved animals with remarkably human characteristics, human-
Oh, and remember the Deep Fat Friar? The owed Doris $20. While it doesn’t seem like much, shitake-d out on him so he took a new fungus strain to the coast and was never seen again.