As this issue of Speculative Grammarian is devoted to the linguistics of a beverage, I would like to take the opportunity to look at claims recently made in the burgeoning field of beveragology
No doubt the quest for such abstract units belongs to a long tradition in Linguistics, but the fact remains that no convincing proof has yet been advanced in defense of any specific UB proposal, nor is there any compelling reason to afford this entire research program any status beyond that of an assault on scholarly credulity.
The claims of coffee devotees notwithstanding, the fact remains that there is no beverage which has achieved universal popularity. Carbonated drinks undoubtedly come nearest to achieving the mark, but ultimately fail the test of universality due to inconsistent naming: “pop,” “soda,” “soft drink,” and even “coke” constitute not a unitary category but a reification-
Without doubt, all beverages, whatever their compositionality, satisfy the thirsty; this much we can state with certainty. What has achieved no more clarity, in thirty years of research in my own university and by the scholarly community, is why observed diversity becomes perceived unity
As a concept, the Universal Beverageme has perhaps utility, but clearly no reality. To lay to rest, at long last, this empty theory, I urge researchers to act with agility, while they still have facility, for they may soon reach senility and lose the ability.