Sleeping Furiously Since 1986—Reduced Vowel Healthcare—Laura Ryals SpecGram Vol CLXXII, No 2 Contents Untold Things You Didn’t Know You Didn’t Know—Madalena Cruz-Ferreira

Linguimericks, Etc.
Book १६

A linguist named Jack was ambitious,
And often too big for his britches.
His failures resounded
And colleagues all found it
Unspeakably Schaden­freudelicious.
—Pumptilian Perniquity


When linguistical thinking goes lax
And theories all harden like wax
Drops in like a stream
The SpecGram tactical team
To use their satirical ex lax.
—Col. O. Nihilist


Symbols for sciency
Affect, but manages
Somehow to capture the
facts in a bin.
—Mannfrum van Tuckett


A man who lisped said to me: “Wunθ
I wað told there’ð no rhyme for ‘month’.
I heard him θay θo,
But the chap didn’t know—
I think he wað θimply a dunθ.”
—Anonymous, the Speech Pathologist


A student linguist who just turned 19
Presented proposal version umpteen
His praise was abundant
Yet they still wouldn’t fund it
So he quit eating in the canteen.
—Gérard de Aittste-Oudénnts


There once were some vowels that were creaky—
So the vowel chart appeared to be leaky,
But the orthography was prone
To treat creak as a tone,
Which phonologists thought was quite sneaky.
—Morris Swadesh III




Sleeping Furiously Since 1986Reduced Vowel HealthcareLaura Ryals
Untold Things You Didn’t Know You Didn’t KnowMadalena Cruz-Ferreira
SpecGram Vol CLXXII, No 2 Contents