“Divine Unification Grammar”
by Ǣlfgār λ. Garcia
From The Journal of the Linguistic Society
of South-Central New Caledonia I.1,
Linguist of Fortune, November 1990
Reviewed by Functionalisticus Dyscolus
Back before Speculative Grammarian went online—in the days when revenue was nil, paper cost money, and the editors were impecunious students—articles were supposed to be one or two pages long, or three at the most. If memory serves, the only exception (in a deal brokered by Bill Spruiell) was “Divine Unification Grammar”, by Ǣlfgār λ. Garcia, the merits of which were so great that it earned the right to occupy four whole pages. Not to mention that, for Bill’s clients, four pages is actually exceedingly short—for proof, see some of his more recently brokered monographs, such as “Acquiring Isolation: The Peculiar Case of Ghwǘǜb” (SpecGram CLIX.ι, mid-August 2010), and “Why Princes are not Scribes, and the Rat Eats Grain” (SpecGram CLXIV.λ, mid-April 2012). [Note that Bill doesn’t do any better when he’s doing the writing himself. See his “brief” review of Buendía elsewhere in this issue. —Eds.]
Getting back to “Divine Unification Grammar”: it’s not only a hilarious critique of Government and Binding in particular, it also serves as a very clear exposition of functionalists’ objections to innate/formal theories in general. Plus it has great deities, including Blodduwedda, Our Lady of Linear Precedence; Vandrigon, He of Many Roles; and Typhon, God of Things that Aren’t There. Don’t get Typhon confused with Nullifica, Goddess of the Things That Are There But Can’t Be Seen; the two are completely different, despite being indistinguishable.
If you want to know what’s wrong with generative linguistics, read “Divine Unification Grammar”. If you don’t think there’s anything wrong with generative linguistics, then it’s even more important for you to read “Divine Unification Grammar”.