Cooking up a conlang? Tired of the same old configurational lasagne and non-configurational spaghetti? You need...

The Conlanger’s Pasta Machine

Soon you’ll be able to create all the fashionable conlang shapes, to the amazement of your friends. Why not try...?

Ergativiti

Binds to your sauce in a completely different way.

Monovalenci

With its long, elegant chains.

Triconsonanti

Perfect with arabiatta sauce.

Alveolini

Gives your conlang a sound best described as al dente.

Polysynthetti

So many long, thick strings of lexical material your mouth won’t know what to do with it all!

Dothracci

Delicious with horsemeat bolognese (available from UK supermarkets, but don’t say we told you).

Harmoni

Comes in similarly-flavored clumps.

Philippini

May trigger allergic reactions in some.

Mutagine

The first bite changes flavor depending on how many you spoon up!

Pirahiani

Quite unique! uncooked, amorphous, not made of wheat, dries when sauce is added, and tastes different to men and women (note: proprietary brand; not for general use).

Testimonials

“My conlangs used to just agglutinate all the time, but now, thanks to the Conlanger’s Pasta Machine, I can turn out perfect monovalenci in seconds!”

—Pete Bleackley

“I whole-heartedly endorse this fine product which I have used on several non-consecutive occasions.”

—David Peterson
Creator of the Dothraki language for HBO’s Game of Thrones!™^*

“For the last time, Pete, I’m not publishing any more conlang- or pasta-related articles.”

—Trey Jones
Editor-in-Chief of Speculative Grammarian

	Copious Things You Didn’t Know You Didn’t Know—Madalena Cruz-Ferreira
	Titles in Fantasy and Sci-Fi Linguistics—Announcement from Scholartastic Books
	SpecGram Vol CLXIX, No 3 Contents