The self-esteemed Dr. S. Morgenstern has, in his own words, “outdone [himself]” this year with the development of a ground-breaking new area of experimental work for theoretical linguistics: a behavioral implementation of the Minimalist Program. “Highly scientific maze-running experiments have revealed startling capabilities once believed to be the sole domain of Yumans.” Rats can be stimulated to MERGE small piles of food into larger piles. They can also be made to MOVE these piles from one place to another.
Crucially, these behaviors were predictably used to communicate complex meanings, e.g.: “I want both of these piles”, “these are mine”, or “I am going to eat all of this (and you rats over there cannot).” Appropriate footwear is particularly recommended for this talk.