Arguably the third most-
The purpose of this paper is to summarize all that is known about the manuscript, and to relate some of the most well-
pɐǝɹq ɹoɟ ʇǝʞɹɐɯ oʇuı dooʍs -
The manuscript was originally brought to the attention of scholars in 1960, though it is believed to be much older. Ms. Lavizsia Jeehee reported that she found the manuscript in a book
At first, much excitement surrounded the discovery, until Ms. Jeehee, under pressure from her academic peers, made the unfortunate mistake of revealing how she had acquired the document. She was relieved of her tenure, and expulsed from the University of Khirokitia where she had been a professor of philology and classics. As part of her severance agreement, the ownership of the manuscript passed to the University of Khirokitia, and the university did not press charges against her for besmirching its good name with her horrible offense. Rumors have circulated for decades about Ms. Jeehee’s eventual fate. New Jersey court records indicate she worked for a time at a Wegman’s grocery store, until she was fired for repeatedly referring to the store’s wares as WegFood, at which time she filed a wrongful termination lawsuit, which was eventually thrown out of court.
A miasma of awkward survivor guilt attached itself to the manuscript for years, and no one at the University of Khirokitia would so much as examine the document. The manuscript was thought lost until it resurfaced in the 1980s at a garage sale in New Jersey at the home of Ms. Ráðgríð R. Reginleif, a linguistics professor at the University of Khirokitia. Ms. Reginleif claimed not to have realized that she had taken the manuscript home with her, and that she had inadvertently used it as a bookmark in a book she had been reading
The document has been examined by at least a dozen scholars, several associated with at least one institution of mid-
• While the poem has been repeatedly attributed in the popular press to “i.i. ghoings”, the purported evil anti-
• The script is generally agreed to be an unknown writing system, but similarities to more familiar scripts clearly indicate that it is descended form the Etruscan alphabet, or a close relative. Russian lingochromoquantumist Косая Черта has posited several reconstructed proto-
• The right alignment of the manuscript is generally agreed to be indicative of some artistic flourish on the part of the author, rather than indicative of a right-
• Most scholars accept the notion that the document, despite the apparently ancient and unknown writing system, is in a Germanic language. Much has been written about the apparent cognates dooʍs (“dooms”), sɯıʍs (“swims”), ʍoɯ (“mow”), ploɯ (“plow”), ɯoɯ (“wow”), pıp (“pip”), looʍ (“loom”), and dollop (“dollop”). Based on the interpretation of these terms as cognates, the document is considered likely to be a list of commandments, or “dooms”
• The one seemingly recognizable Japanese word suʍo (formerly hypothesized “sumo”), is generally regarded as a false cognate.
• The meaning of the occasional line-
There are clearly many mysteries left to uncover, though the cautious linguist is advised not to attempt any such thing. The rewards of the Dooms/