To: Editor, SpecGram
Please keep this correspondence confidential, for reasons that we will detail below. We realize that this will probably come as quite a surprise to you, but CIA, under the direction of several of its head chefs, has for a number of years monitored telephone and internet correspondence in order to protect against certain cuisine-
While infinite dumpling-
PS: Parsley is a great way to remove garlic odor from your hands!
Dear Dr. Redacted],
First, we think it mighty clever of your parents to have given you a first name that starts with an open bracket, given that your surname ends with a close bracket. Very clever.
Of course we cannot respect the confidentiality of your message, because it further demonstrates how linguists, academics, people ignore what is really important in a ground-
Some advances do draw attention, but the attention itself remains localized, and the wider significance of the advance isn’t recognized for quite some time.
Indeed, your general ignoring of his demonstration of the general ignoring of the implications of Sampson’s theories (ignored by Sampson himself) is, well, ignorant. It’s like a recursive dumpling of ignoring ignorance. Enough!
Speculative Grammarian accepts well-
My Fellow Editors,
[We let Claude Spearsplainpockets respond in his own words.
My definitive study of English is not yet complete
I will assume so, and ignore your doubts for now. I am actually too happy to care even about your sincerest doubts right now, as I have just become engaged to the lovely Helga von Helganschtein. We will be publishing a joint paper on additional features of Åriðmatçəl: including interesting phonology I overlooked the first time; further evidence not only for the non-
[All of us at Speculative Grammarian would like to extend our warmest regards and congratulations to our dear friend Claude and our new friend Helga. Félicitations nos amis!]
We just want to let you know how much we love your magazine. We have just received the spring issue, and it’s so wonderful just to sit down on the porch, with a tall glass of iced mint tea, and be refreshed by the pure joy of all your wonderful articles.
We’re having a splendid summer season. The corn is filling out wonderfully after a couple of really good rains. The fishing has been pretty good too, in spite of the dire predictions in this year’s Farmer’s Almanac. We’re just starting to put up the first of our annual tomato crop, and we expect to be canning green beans soon. Peaches won’t be far behind, and then it’ll be winter again before we know it.
We hope you are having as wonderful a summer season as we are. Please keep up the good work, and do drop us a line when you have the chance.
Your devoted readers
Dear Mabel and Claude,
Thanks for your encouraging words. We can only hope that it was Speculative Grammarian you intended to write about. We also wonder what kind of corn you are growing in Cicero.