Masyu Ortograpiu II—Linguistic Boogaloo—Trey Jones SpecGram Vol CLIII, No 3 Contents

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MODAL STAKING. Recent research in alternative linguistics proves that modal stacking (as in “might could”) is caused by vampiric ecto-lingua-plasmic entities attached to and creating a neuro-ethereo-electric short between the larynx and Wernicke’s area. Thus not only is modal stacking grammatically aberrant, it is also karmically unsound. Our highly trained parasite slayers will drive a semanto-syntactic stakemade mostly of wittily whittled eldritch elm and eerily enunciated wounded wordsthrough the haunted heart of the parasitic pest. Satisfaction guaranteed. Serious inquiries only. Call 512 666 1313ask for either Blagrathion the Magnificent or Sue.

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/U/ > [mi] / [this]_[saturday]? Fun, flirty, female linguist seeks linguist [+masc, +straight] for weekend fun and more. The optimal candidate ranks FAITH: SHOWER ahead of *EFFORT, and can easily distinguish V[+high, -back, -front, -round] from V[+high, +back, -round]. Must enjoy hot pockets, cats and sleepless nights. S people need not inquire. E-mail 1stpersgfem@hotmail.com.

WANTED: LINGUIST Wealthy family seeks linguist to correct recalcitrant daughter’s speech. Insists on producing atrocities such as “ain’t” and “like” and “gonna”. Unacceptable. Daughter must be made to speak fluent English. Pays $500/hour plus expenses, plus $10,000 once fluency is achieved. Send résumés to Chadwick House, East Egg, New York, NY.

Masyu Ortograpiu II—Linguistic Boogaloo—Trey Jones
SpecGram Vol CLIII, No 3 Contents