[To give the appearance that we are inundated with manuscripts and busy at all times, we ask you to make the editing process as time-
Paper size: We only accept US letter paper (8 1/2 inches by 11 inches). A4 paper (in cm.) is just far too complicated.
Font: Use any font that takes up a lot of space and looks ‘exciting’.
Font size: Use a 14 inch font. Hey, it got you through college, didn’t it?
Margins: Please use 1.5 inch margins all around. For an explanation why, see ‘Font size’ above.
Line spacing: Please go to ‘Format’, then ‘Paragraph’ and then use “at least” for line spacing at 14 inch font. You know you’ve always wanted to, so here is your chance.
Page Limit: We honestly won’t read after 5 pages, so 5 is a good number to shoot for. If longer, we will just skim the ‘Conclusion’ section.
Embedded fonts: Please do not embed fonts, especially for phonetic symbols. All of the editors here enjoy playing ‘Guess that symbol’ on Friday nights. If we can’t figure it out, don’t worry, we won’t bother you; we’ll just add something we think is close.
Justification: Please make sure the manuscript is fully-
Indentation: Please use the space bar, and not the ‘Tab’ key. You need to see how we used to do it in the ‘olden times’. Plus, this way it’ll throw everything off later in the final version, which makes for a very interactive reading experience.
Hyphenation: Please manually hyphenate everything. This will wreak havoc on our editing staff and make you appear ‘old-
Hyperlinks: Please put in URL links in a highlighted, bright blue, and underlined fashion. They will be rendered useless in our final online edition of the anthology, but we like to know that the readers who access the online version are repeatedly clicking on the links in an attempt to go to the desired location.
Color: Please use different colors throughout your document to make it look nice and snazzy. The final edition is only in black-
Headers and footers: Please include page numbers, starting from page 1. One author will be chosen at random to actually start the issue and will be given a complimentary gift. All others will have to re-
‘Macros’: Make sure you enable ‘Macros’ in your document. We don’t know what they are, but they make you look Word-
Wording: Please vary between the use of ‘s/he’, ‘he/she’, ‘she/he’, and ‘they’ to make sure your reader isn’t day-
‘Smart tags’: We don’t know what they are and neither do you; quit fibbing.
Foreign words: Please do not include the respective English gloss for foreign words; our readers really should know the language you’re talking about anyway; after all, we are all linguists, right?
Section headings: Please use as many sections and subsections as possible. This gives the appearance that you are ultra-
Title: CAPITALIZE EVERYTHING. THIS MAKES THE READER UNDERSTAND YOU ARE ENERGETIC ABOUT YOUR TOPIC (AND FULL OF CAFFEINE)!!!
Show some responsibility: To protect yourself from any embarrassing errors, please put an asterisk at the end of the title to mark your first endnote in which you state the following: “Only others are responsible for the shortcomings in this paper
Author information: We highly recommend including as many authors as possible. You know what they say, ‘There is power in numbers!’.
Affiliation: Are you really a member of all those professional organizations you list? Please only list those professional organizations for which you are currently a member. A note to professors: please quit fibbing by saying you are still a grad student to receive cheaper dues. We periodically check to see if you have updated your status, so please be honest.
Abstract: Please send an abstract of the manuscript as a separate document. We’ll wait until you have all of your figures and tables perfectly, and laboriously, placed within your manuscript and then we’ll ask you to insert the abstract at the very beginning of the paper. This way, it will throw everything off and you will have to arrange everything again. Finally, please keep the abstract to fewer than 100 words. As readers, we really just want to ‘dive-
Keywords: Please choose a few words at random from the manuscript and add them to the ‘keywords’ section; this is quite impressive to the reader.
Examples: Please use any style you like! We do recommend, however, the use of Latin words and abbreviations when talking about them. Therefore, we encourage the use of the following throughout your manuscript: e.g., i.e., cogito ergo sum, ipso facto, nota bene (don’t put N.B., it’s better just to spell it out). Finally, when you get painfully off-
Endnotes: Please use endnotes, and not footnotes. This way, your confusing explanations to thoughtful feedback can all be put in one place; readers are not going to take the time to look at each point made while reading the article, so it is less painful this way.
Tables and Figures: Please make sure your tables and figures are ‘camera-
Appendices: Please insert after the body of the paper and endnotes, but before the references, yet right below the tables and figures. You get the point.
Reference citation: Please use a combination of LSA, MLA, APA, or The Chicago Manual of Style reference styles. We don’t want our reader’s getting bored by all the stale uniformity. For specific examples on how to reference, please see the links below that contain outdated secondary sources that list previous versions of each of the above-
Author’s names: Please abbreviate author’s first names. By doing so, should you ever need a reference for other publications and want to ‘copy and paste’, you will have to endlessly search the net for his/her first name.
Your contact information: Please do not include your email, and snail mail is beyond passé. Just include your FaceBook webpage link
Final note: Please be shure and prof-
All submissions must in both Word and .pdf formats. We use an outdated edition of Microsoft Office, so please keep this in mind. Advanced formatting functions such as bold or italicized fonts are not recommended.
If you are using a Mac, please be considerate and right-
Once you feel the manuscript is ready, or at least when you are sick of looking at it, please send it to us via email. Please make sure the manuscript has been properly attached and that all of your boring quotes in your signature section have been removed. If you forget, don’t worry; after all, ‘To err is human; to forgive, divine” -*-*-*- Alexander Pope -*-*-*-.
Our deadlines always fall on a Saturday, which leaves the impression that we dutifully check our emails on the weekends. We say it is a ‘hard deadline’, so you have to hurry after a long work-
We note in passing that our deadlines are also conveniently placed right around your busiest times of the semester. Be honest, you’re a Type A personality, so you like the hectic schedule.
We’ll (I’ll?) always respond with “The Editors” so you will have no idea how to address us (or me?) in your emails. For your corrections, we (I?) will send you a long list of corrections, give you a few days to make these corrections, and then we (I?) will set up an “on vacation” or “out of office” automated email response, so that you can’t ask us (me?) to elaborate on anything.
Question: How do I insert a syntax tree?
Answer: Oh, brother. Does anyone still do that?
Question: Are you a refereed journal?
Answer: Yes, because we do reject those manuscripts whose authors ask us why we write ‘at’ instead of putting ‘@’ when listing our email on the website.
Question: What is the difference between ‘Works Cited’ and ‘References’?
Answer: That is what we say....what’s the difference?
Question: Do you prefer em-
Answer: Dude, just say ‘hyphen’.
Question: How does the word ‘use’ differ in meaning from ‘usage’?
Answer: We have no idea.
Question: When will you notify me of my acceptance/rejection?
Answer: See answer to previous question.
Question: Shouldn’t I include more contact information?
Answer: No need. Has anyone ever really contacted you?