/nuz baɪts/
Not a wire news service but still more reliable than most newspapers.
Illicit Linguistics
Gang Caught
A recent sweep by the Language Police, led by P. Scrip-Tavist, has led to the arrest of a gang of illegal language changers. Known by their furtive approach of standing on street corners and asking “You wanna glo’al stop?” or “Don’tcha wanna try m’ contractions?”, the gang were previously very difficult to catch. However, after repeated Facebook posts about “proper English” and memes about how young people were losing the ability to write in cursive, language change was forever stopped and the gang immediately handed themselves over. The Grammar Police say they would of cot more gang members but they done well to have wrote up the reports for the ones they did catch.
