/nuz baɪts/

Not a wire news service but still more reliable than most newspapers.

Voynich Manuscript Translated by Random Agency for a Dare

Previously unknown translation agency, Generic Inc, have successfully challenged a ruling by the Council for Honest Advertising. The Council had found them in breach of honesty with their claim “no matter the language, no matter the document, we translate it.”

Translator, P Jama, had taken exception to their claim and set them the challenge of translating the hitherto undeciphered codex. After 10 days and at a price of £0.01 per word and £5 per picture, the translation was finally complete.

According to the experts at Generic Inc, the manuscript is a record of an Anglo-Saxon barn dance that went wrong after Cynric drank too much mead and bumped into the wife of Aesc, Lord of the Southern Marches. After a fight through a circle dance and a rather strange incident involving a man with a trumpet up his bottom, a confused cat and a monk named Boed, the matter was concluded with more mead.

The book was written by a passing linguist who was deemed a credible and neutral witness. However, like most linguists before and since, he prioritised loyalty to pet theories over readability and thus the manuscript became unreadable once Lord Osci’s theory of mead-infused morphomes went out of fashion.

There is a lesson here but no-one knows what it is.

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